love me

Looking out at the sky from my window , hearing to the rain drops hitting on the grounds of my cement car porch... breezy soft wind touch my face.
Serenity again.
This is me... i thought i need this kind of peaceful serendipity.
It makes me efficient.
I sat down, get my work done.. one by one and always making time and effort for my body and soul to rest and renew and refresh.
I love myself.
I love thee so much, that I find I started to pay attention to how I treat my body. When thee called for a rest, or sleepy, I slept. When thee is exhausted, i asked for a break from my work and my students.
When thee felt lousy , I bring thee for a walk in the mall or maybe brought her for a ball game with her beloved students.
When thee needs love, i showers her with love from students . I constantly told thee we will make it together, I believe she is best and i assured her that God will make sure we will grow old together. We will build a family. We will find the man we are made from and we will have children.
I dreamed I got married... last 3 years. I was standing there in a white long gown holding a bouquet of white roses.. i was in a garden... the groom was walking towards me. I saw his suit.. a black suit.. broad shoulder.. Almost the same height as me. I raised my head to see you... you took up the veil that's covering my face..
You..
You said " never expected it was me..?.."
I was speechless, was it you?

It was just a dream.
I want to get marry.
I found a man that makes me smile.... i made a wish last year. i want to marry a basketball coach.
A man who is still a boy inside whom made me smile without having to pretend..
A smile and laughter is enough to make my day.
It is just that simple.

Love starts with a smile:-)

Dear Father,
thank you for the warm smile.

Happy Dragon Year...

i am down with a cough, sore throat and yes as usual : sexy voice.

However i felt bad, i still felt i am still much better compared to 7 days ago when i felt part of me has lost myself.

how do i know?

i forget about my bag and went on teaching for in another class totally forgetting my bag...

it did not even matter to me that after chinese new year things, there will be a full inspection by the government officer to look for defects in my school..

i just knew i have to work on no matter what because 

i 

am

a 

teacher. leader 

and 

captain of my basketball team.

my teacher who played and taught me bout basketball since the very beginning was not around with me anymore.

my partner. 

(uwehh... i still felt like crying , simply because he is my living dream. he is me. he is the good friend that i can count on to be there . just be there for me. he always listened.

Father, could you please bring back the smiles and confidence,

could you please let us 

walk this journey

with greater and loving memories 

starting anew 

a new beginning, a new love,

a new chapter 

of  a sister and a student.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

I happened to think of you all the time..

just so if you realized, even if i keep myself away and quiet from you, i was thinking bout how i face and helped you.
truth is i don't need too,
i knew you.as private as you can be, i am still able to read you.
i was finding myself..
how much i could make things better for you.
i realized i don't need too..
partly because...
you were sent to me for a reason.
He has first believe in me, and I believe in you.
Your first present was both good and bad...
it was your ever first true "Sorry" to me.
That is more than enough... that word is just enough for me to go the distance for you.

trust . love. believe.

You are more than a hope. 

You are part of my dreams.

i love you.

i got your sms.

i knew.

Let's Tutti Frutti when you are ready.

i'm sorry too ... it has to turn out like this.

it's alright, i just want you to know 

whatever happened, i'll be there for you.

i think you knew .

yes. I love you.

i'll understand.

你不仅仅是一个希望。
你是我的梦想的一部分。

我爱你。
我得到了您的短信。
我知道。

让我们吃什锦Frutti冰淇淋，当你准备。
我也很抱歉......它已经把这样的。

这是正常的，我只是想让你知道
无论发生了，我会支持你。
你明白我的。

没错！
我爱你。
我理解你。
我们仍然在学习每一天......

Nǐ bùjǐn jǐn shì yīgè xīwàng.
Nǐ shì wǒ de mèngxiǎng de yībùfèn.

Wǒ ài nǐ.
Wǒ dédàole nín de duǎnxìn.
Wǒ zhīdào.

Ràng wǒmen chī shíjǐn Frutti bīngqílín, dāng nǐ zhǔnbèi.
Wǒ yě hěn bàoqiàn... ... Tā yǐjīng bǎ zhèyàng de.

Zhè shì zhèngcháng de, wǒ zhǐshì xiǎng ràng nǐ zhīdào
Wúlùn fāshēngle, wǒ huì zhīchí nǐ.
Nǐ míngbái wǒ de.

Méi cuò!
Wǒ ài nǐ.
Wǒ lǐjiě nǐ.
Wǒmen réngrán zài xuéxí měi yītiān... ...

Merry Christmas 2o11

haha at last, suddenly Christmas seems to be a warm welcome.

Last 3 days, I had some minor conflict with my mother.
Then suddenly, after 3 days, i think I told her what's in my mind.
What amazed me was...

Over breakfast..
Mom: You bring Han Wen go do spectacle...
Me: Who going to pay?
Mom: nevermind... I sponsored la. He has only one eye.. must take care now. After that eye became blind... how? have you passed him the shirts and bags that we packed for him?
Me: Not yet, waiting for suitable time. How about I give him free tuition, I just prayed he studied back in school.. at least I still prepared him for work..
Mom: See what you can do lor.


Leaving back to KL..

Mom: Are you planning to come back?
Me: I don;t think so... i have lessthan a week to prepare for housewarming, post mortem and next year planning. I have powerpoint to finish., and need to delegate time for basketball training..
Mom: Oh..if you go back , what happened to Bin Bin?
Me: There you go, how can I leave Bin Bin? Less than 2 weeks..
Mom: In the future?
me: Asked my students lo.. Edmund lor. CHi Yong lor... whoever..
Mom: Hmm then , like tat you have to bring them come your house often , so Bin Bin learnt to recognize them.,....
Me:....(thinking....uh.. tat day you just mentioned no male students in the house)..... Ohh yalor yalor :-)

I am lucky I made time to see the people who matters to me.
My family.
My loves of my life.
Shahrul, Shawn, Shu Khim.,  CSoon and Mr Chuck.
i too realized, I will never see them as often like I used to in the past. However ,time and time again,
i kept reminding myself,
I NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR THESE PEOPLE.
Kawan - kawan, I rindu you. I tak lupakan you.
I will be there for you when you need me.
Cikgu Azman and Dr, Hashim; i will come next year, Wait for me~

Thank lord for keeping each of them healthy and happy.  Merry Christmas 2011.

Their game. mine too~

这是他们的时间。他们的游戏。我会一直在后面看着他们。导致他们所需要的是有人会给他们从后面的人永远不会让他们倒下落后，但只能前进的推动。

it's their time. Their game. i will always be at the back watching them. Cause all they ever need is someone who will give them the push from the back and someone who will never let them fall backward but only move forward.!

I love all of you~

Each one the same ~

i want the best for all.

x mas bomb

It's Christmas.

Supposed to happy to come back to my own safe haven. At least, a place where I can hide myself and just be myself.

I lost my basketball again.

I was really mad cause people are ever just so ego to move their hands. Just do it if you can;t stand it.

Do more talk less. Can?

I hate myself for being such a idiot for basketball.

I was angry at a person but i lost my conscience for a while after I realized I lost J. Lo ..

I lost Kobe

I lost J. Lo.

I lost Bryant

..pfft.! 

Arrgh.

What a wonderful X mas present.

I spent the afternoon preparing presents for my beloved students..

I end up getting another heart break.

GOd can you tell me what's wrong with me?

Enough! My actions are my words

I choose the 12 team players. then I make sure I make them a hero.

I lost my balls over and over again.

Cause if you are so great, then why are you not a teacher or even a team player?

Why are u not even a basketball player that caught the Attention of many?

,,,, cause you don't even appreciate when you have been given a chance or a ball to play'?

cause you take it for granted.

i have no control over your brain

therefore,

i am just fine with it.

i don't need to beg you to do this for basketball.

I am doing it for everyone who wants to enjoy a good match..

I can say no and said yes

I could make basketball club shut down too, cause it's so easy to fail than to soar.

Lucky it;s still 2011.

Jersey has arrived.

Once you get ur jerseys, you can either choose to play your own game or your team game.

your choice.

But I shall speak of my opinion now.

I will go tbg when my team players and club players are there,

No one is allowed to touch my baskebballs anymore.

I meant my word.

December onwards, I would only play basketball in plentong'

You can choose to follow and unfollow.

I don'tt need to kill myself over basketball.

cause no one really cares

after what i did../

I am just a basketball dumbo who happens to believe i can make a change. ayeah right.

Temple so what? 

temple no robbers.

A lot of robbers lor....

Fuck it!