Lousy

When bad means all shit comes together . I had enough of the lousiest. Sometimes , I do feel I want to waste my life . Why bother ? Just do what I am happy , why do I even care what the Others are doing and why bother to follow. So much of keeping a Sane mind and positive attitude! Not like I have never done it. Everyone can pretend and behave like nothing has happened . The past is the future . So I somehow know my future。 perhaps I will be alone forever ... Maybe die faster than I expected ..? There's only a 5o 5o chances of whether my dream of having a family and my own children... Do you know how much I wanted to
Have my own kids and with a loving husband. . I have destroyed everything for myself . My fault .. But that does not mean I don't feel. I felt . Every single second of pain .. I remember. To utter that I ... Lost a part of myself . Brings only non stop tears . How long do I have to pay for my mistakes.. ? 2 months , 3 months, 4 months ... January 29. 4 months plus 2 months 5 days. 6 months old . I still feel .sorry . I don know how to fight !