missing feeling

Just end the call from mom and there are teardrops streaming down my face.
The moment I picked up the call from mom, the first word I heard was "Big Baby, taken dinner yet?"
" Why big baby?"
" No la, so taken dinner yet? I just reached Serdang waiting for your bro to come pick me."
" Just done with dinner over here, 'pan mee with fishballs..."
Talked for a minute or two with mom before she hanged up.

Realized there were tears flowing down my face when I felt water droplets on my wrist. I thought I am immune to not crying again but I was wrong, I was after all a human despite being cold to the harsh world around me.
Family is the word... that would often now put me into melancholy.

Absence makes the heart grows fonder, 25 years and now I realized that being apart from your family member is not easy but it is so damn difficult to tolerate. Worst still if you are staying together with a family and often you will end up wondering how would it be different if my parents was here too?

How many times am I going to wave good bye to my parents and let alone the tears to do its work? How many times? How many times I do not know, but all I know is I never want to wave good bye and go through the pain of crying alone while I am reading , when I am bathing or during my sleep. No more again!

I am going back after 1 year. By hook or by crook. I want to stop the melancholy.