My prayers ..

I've come back to my home at last...
I miss home. though i wanted to run away sometimes.
It's been quite an interesting year for me.
a year where decisions have to be made by choice and by force of course.
many things have happened in the past few months.
"i wish i could be the fairygod mother and changed things by a touch from my magic wand..." but i can't. i am no greater than God , i am just a human.

while i was lying down in my room ... i thought of many things.
my future, assignments, my friends, family, responsibilities...
so many things that were going through my head that i fell asleep while i was thinking..

while i was lying on my bed.. looking at my curtains and ceilling.. i was thinking about Angela's theme for her art exhibition..
and i thought of happiness. why happiness?? because whether u are in love, work, in relationship whatever you are doing, as long as you are happy... that's what makes the world goes around. don't you think so? receiving an sms , seeing an old friend, coming back home, and CNY the logo... it's double happiness logo - i think so. as long as you are happy. you clap your hands..

then i think of friends that i have missed. It's weird... i started to miss out friends that were once i consider very important to me... but not that i forget about them. they fade away for a while. but if i received any sms or some forms of notification.. i will remember them again. sometimes i don't even care to sms back, but that doesn't mean i forget, it's just that i am tired of doing the same thing again and again. i carry you in my heart. not forgotten just hidden in some corner of my heart. friends that i don't talk too anymore... i didn't forget you. it's just i don't know where to start. i am confused... lost in my own world.

i want to say thanks to a person who made me feel so different about myself. i will never be the person i used to be before until i met you...
i forgotten about you somehow... but you always take the initiative to sms me. a short 'hi' and always , almost always your sms came when i least expected it. i love surprises.thank you.
it's funny i can even forget to greet you Happy New Year or Christmas or Selamat Hari Raya. i could be the worst person on earth sometimes. because you always did first before i do. you make me realised that it feels good to be remembered too.what can i say. and i know that you come to miss me. i felt happier. it feels good to be cherish and treasured by someone. i don't know how whether i be a good friend to you. i hope i can be whatever that makes you happy. i do. then again... you are always the first again... unexpectedly... thanks.

friends. love. friends. love. heartbreak. pain. love. again. what is love?
love is the most wonderful feelings on earth. yes i know that. who doesn't. who don't want to be in love. the greatest lesson on earth is learn to be loved and be loved in return. if you had the greatest lesson on earth. you should be happy. i had once loved but not loved in returned. what came back was just lust. lust. and lust. i felt happy for those who experience a short but sincere love. i have found one but i may lost that one too now. i don't know whether i found one again cause i may give up sooner than i expected. but i want love to surrounds us all the time. and if love is self-destructive... maybe you should turn the chair around and ask yourself. "do you still want to sit here and not move.. you aren't getting anywhere.you know. you miss out...." okay and so i told myself. i need to move away. slowly. i will.

feelings feelings feelings...
hey people out there. i am one sensitive soul... super sensitive. but i am lucky i have a thick invisible wall to cover my sensitivity. my friends. sometimes not that i don't want to say anything. i am not very good verbally...but that doesn't mean i don't care. i share your pain. i feel your pain. i cried for you somehow. almost always.i pray that you be better in no time. most importantly i want you to know that i am around even though you felt like giving up. i can be the pillars and you can hold on to me. i don't know how long i can hold you...but i also promise all of you these. if you fall... i may be just down under. i will catch you. and so we don't hurt badly at least.

These are my prayers.
i have come to you and i pray.
i want my family and friends to be free of pains.
i want everything to be fine with them.
even if it could't be fine or okay. give them the peace of mind that everything will be fine in the end of the day.
let them know that i care and my love for them. nothing less and always more.
i want to be someone my family are proud off. of course i don't know where i am heading now... but i believe you will show me the way. i trust you. guide me. i love you.