- the little girl who make great changes- Life with Love

2012-01-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Dragon Year...

i am down with a cough, sore throat and yes as usual : sexy voice.

However i felt bad, i still felt i am still much better compared to 7 days ago when i felt part of me has lost myself.

how do i know?

i forget about my bag and went on teaching for in another class totally forgetting my bag...

it did not even matter to me that after chinese new year things, there will be a full inspection by the government officer to look for defects in my school..

i just knew i have to work on no matter what because

teacher. leader

and

captain of my basketball team.

my teacher who played and taught me bout basketball since the very beginning was not around with me anymore.

my partner.

(uwehh... i still felt like crying , simply because he is my living dream. he is me. he is the good friend that i can count on to be there . just be there for me. he always listened.

Father, could you please bring back the smiles and confidence,

could you please let us

walk this journey

with greater and loving memories

starting anew

a new beginning, a new love,

a new chapter

of a sister and a student.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

I happened to think of you all the time..

2012-01-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

just so if you realized, even if i keep myself away and quiet from you, i was thinking bout how i face and helped you.
truth is i don't need too,
i knew you.as private as you can be, i am still able to read you.
i was finding myself..
how much i could make things better for you.
i realized i don't need too..
partly because...
you were sent to me for a reason.
He has first believe in me, and I believe in you.
Your first present was both good and bad...
it was your ever first true "Sorry" to me.
That is more than enough... that word is just enough for me to go the distance for you.

trust . love. believe.

2012-01-15T08:03:00.000-08:00

You are more than a hope.

You are part of my dreams.

i love you.

i got your sms.

i knew.

Let's Tutti Frutti when you are ready.

i'm sorry too ... it has to turn out like this.

it's alright, i just want you to know

whatever happened, i'll be there for you.

i think you knew .

yes. I love you.

i'll understand.

你不仅仅是一个希望。
你是我的梦想的一部分。

我爱你。
我得到了您的短信。
我知道。

让我们吃什锦Frutti冰淇淋，当你准备。
我也很抱歉......它已经把这样的。

这是正常的，我只是想让你知道
无论发生了，我会支持你。
你明白我的。

没错！
我爱你。
我理解你。
我们仍然在学习每一天......

Nǐ bùjǐn jǐn shì yīgè xīwàng.
Nǐ shì wǒ de mèngxiǎng de yībùfèn.

Wǒ ài nǐ.
Wǒ dédàole nín de duǎnxìn.
Wǒ zhīdào.

Ràng wǒmen chī shíjǐn Frutti bīngqílín, dāng nǐ zhǔnbèi.
Wǒ yě hěn bàoqiàn... ... Tā yǐjīng bǎ zhèyàng de.

Zhè shì zhèngcháng de, wǒ zhǐshì xiǎng ràng nǐ zhīdào
Wúlùn fāshēngle, wǒ huì zhīchí nǐ.
Nǐ míngbái wǒ de.

Méi cuò!
Wǒ ài nǐ.
Wǒ lǐjiě nǐ.
Wǒmen réngrán zài xuéxí měi yītiān... ...

Merry Christmas 2o11

2011-12-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

haha at last, suddenly Christmas seems to be a warm welcome.

Last 3 days, I had some minor conflict with my mother.
Then suddenly, after 3 days, i think I told her what's in my mind.
What amazed me was...

Over breakfast..
Mom: You bring Han Wen go do spectacle...
Me: Who going to pay?
Mom: nevermind... I sponsored la. He has only one eye.. must take care now. After that eye became blind... how? have you passed him the shirts and bags that we packed for him?
Me: Not yet, waiting for suitable time. How about I give him free tuition, I just prayed he studied back in school.. at least I still prepared him for work..
Mom: See what you can do lor.

Leaving back to KL..

Mom: Are you planning to come back?
Me: I don;t think so... i have lessthan a week to prepare for housewarming, post mortem and next year planning. I have powerpoint to finish., and need to delegate time for basketball training..
Mom: Oh..if you go back , what happened to Bin Bin?
Me: There you go, how can I leave Bin Bin? Less than 2 weeks..
Mom: In the future?
me: Asked my students lo.. Edmund lor. CHi Yong lor... whoever..
Mom: Hmm then , like tat you have to bring them come your house often , so Bin Bin learnt to recognize them.,....
Me:....(thinking....uh.. tat day you just mentioned no male students in the house)..... Ohh yalor yalor :-)

I am lucky I made time to see the people who matters to me.
My family.
My loves of my life.
Shahrul, Shawn, Shu Khim., CSoon and Mr Chuck.
i too realized, I will never see them as often like I used to in the past. However ,time and time again,
i kept reminding myself,
I NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR THESE PEOPLE.
Kawan - kawan, I rindu you. I tak lupakan you.
I will be there for you when you need me.
Cikgu Azman and Dr, Hashim; i will come next year, Wait for me~

Thank lord for keeping each of them healthy and happy. Merry Christmas 2011.

Their game. mine too~

2011-12-10T21:55:00.001-08:00

这是他们的时间。他们的游戏。我会一直在后面看着他们。导致他们所需要的是有人会给他们从后面的人永远不会让他们倒下落后，但只能前进的推动。

it's their time. Their game. i will always be at the back watching them. Cause all they ever need is someone who will give them the push from the back and someone who will never let them fall backward but only move forward.!

I love all of you~

Each one the same ~

i want the best for all.

x mas bomb

2011-12-08T06:43:00.001-08:00

It's Christmas.

Supposed to happy to come back to my own safe haven. At least, a place where I can hide myself and just be myself.

I lost my basketball again.

I was really mad cause people are ever just so ego to move their hands. Just do it if you can;t stand it.

Do more talk less. Can?

I hate myself for being such a idiot for basketball.

I was angry at a person but i lost my conscience for a while after I realized I lost J. Lo ..

I lost Kobe

I lost J. Lo.

I lost Bryant

..pfft.!

Arrgh.

What a wonderful X mas present.

I spent the afternoon preparing presents for my beloved students..

I end up getting another heart break.

GOd can you tell me what's wrong with me?

Enough! My actions are my words

I choose the 12 team players. then I make sure I make them a hero.

I lost my balls over and over again.

Cause if you are so great, then why are you not a teacher or even a team player?

Why are u not even a basketball player that caught the Attention of many?

,,,, cause you don't even appreciate when you have been given a chance or a ball to play'?

cause you take it for granted.

i have no control over your brain

therefore,

i am just fine with it.

i don't need to beg you to do this for basketball.

I am doing it for everyone who wants to enjoy a good match..

I can say no and said yes

I could make basketball club shut down too, cause it's so easy to fail than to soar.

Lucky it;s still 2011.

Jersey has arrived.

Once you get ur jerseys, you can either choose to play your own game or your team game.

your choice.

But I shall speak of my opinion now.

I will go tbg when my team players and club players are there,

No one is allowed to touch my baskebballs anymore.

I meant my word.

December onwards, I would only play basketball in plentong'

You can choose to follow and unfollow.

I don'tt need to kill myself over basketball.

cause no one really cares

after what i did../

I am just a basketball dumbo who happens to believe i can make a change. ayeah right.

Temple so what?

temple no robbers.

A lot of robbers lor....

Fuck it!

thank you.

2011-12-06T05:54:00.001-08:00

Cee Lo Green - FUCK YOU

2011-12-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

sorry is the word

2011-12-03T18:58:00.001-08:00

SORRY THAT I LOVE YOU

The quiet morning view of my favourite coffeeshop. i still looked forward to meeting them. just the place is different now.

There are times I looked back at pictures, or read blogs , tweets and of course FB.
i am ever so nosy in the life's of my loves.
I called them the loves of my life.
they matter so much to me.
i make mistakes.
i f***** up. well Shits Happened.

Sometimes, i blamed myself for just thinking too much where the answer is right there in front of me.
juayn ... how could you be so blind????

yeah, i made big big mistakes in the past...
so.. i hurt the ones that matter the most to me.
family..
and even ended possible friendships which i could share my ups and down .( I still still regret that!)
you have been the passwords to my computers and fb and email.
which I just realized....

i looked back and wondered how foolish I had been ? i just cannot forgive how i messed up you, me .
i like the damnation part of me who wanted the world to hear me...(cause when I am angry, I don't give a shit!)
tat was in 2010.

SORRY is the word.
SORRY that I hurt you.
SORRY i killed you heart.

cause i can't forgive of my ruthless and mindless actions towards those that matter to me.
i still hold all of you close to my heart.
i am just a person being myself all the time without really thinking how the world judged me.
yes, i can freely give my hearts and soul to anyone i felt needed.

i can't even bring myself to say or see you.
cause i respect this existence that we moved on and we erased each other.
well i always hope you been better and greater.

I may be mean and bitch to you... but i am sensitive. my sense has never failed me.
You are the playful, private and a bastard too.

merry X mas.
love. 2303. 5228.
i can never bring myself to step into that place anymore.
it holds memories and friendship.

2011-12-02T18:45:00.001-08:00

I have a dream, A basketball dream!

One that I wanted so badly to realize by next year, I want my team to win at least 2 games in each competition be it, friendly match or MSSD. I want to hear people saying my team is excellent just need some polishing or just thanked me for a wonderful match. This is not just my dream, this is our dream. My basketball princes , you know what I meant. You have every right to win in any way you want except minus the foul and thrash talk.

You are your OWN.

That’s why “Wo AI Ni, Xie Xie NI, Wo Kan Xie Ni, Wo Shi Huan Ni, Nie Chen Hao” Sorry for the wrong pin yin. You might wonder, why all these heart touchy words, when the boys are training under me, my ears felt so hot whenever I hear F…, MCB…, LC.. T.. . You know what I meant. So I substitute it with positive words, instead of swearing you could just shout I love you.

After all , if you don’t love the game how are you going to win it?

The best thing that happened from this syndrome… They learned to say I love you as a way to thank me. WE remind each other most of the time.

Eg: “ Teacher you sweared!” Ok.. I love you! OK liow? That was when I was really mad.

Or Scenario 1\

Student 1: M C B….

Me: Said it again…

Student2: Wo Ai Ni…

Or Scenario 2:

Me: What you should you say? Even my car loves you very much that I had to come here just to fetch this 2 princes?

Boys: Wo Ai Ni… Thank you.

Or Scenario 3: In class

Girls: T.. M . M..

Boys: Oii teacher said you are not allowed to swear. You must say I love you !

Girls :??????? Huh????

Or Scenario 4:

Boys: I love you?!! Teacher what happened if I really hate that girl?

Me: Just shout I love you in an angry manner . Can you?

Boys: Very dangerous~~

Or Scenario 5:

Basketball players: If we say “Wo AI Ni” , then all the girls will come and hug us lor..

Me: Then open your arms and receive them. When one gives, one should accept also. Aren’t you happy I made u said I love you instead …..

Basketball players: Cool man

Lastly is the one thing that I most happy about.

Me: What would you like to put as team name?

Students: Teacher, just put Chinese WO AI NI! Better , not need to put motto. Our motto and team name is wo ai ni.

Me: You serious?

Students: Yes…

So I drew it out and showed a few to them.

These were the responses…

Remove boys: Wao… teacher. That’s so handsome ! Suai ah!

Boy 2: Wo Ai Ni..We are so special.

Boy 3: Wo Ai NI lao shi, ni yao jia gei wo ma?!

Fun it was, even though it was not my idea. I got some “rejections” from teachers. But at least I know I done something different for them.

Never try never know right… what amazes me was this:

If cannot put “WO AI NI, then just put “XIAO TIAN TIAN “ .

Why???!!!! @.@

Cause that’s ur nick name , we loved calling you xiao tian tian and you are our BASKETBALL teacher. Played and trained with us each time.

Wah lao… Kan tong tao. What can I say? If I don’t “ wo ai ni” it means I crazy. "Wo chen de hen ai ni men , ni men you ai wo chen me duo ma?" Adios

Now and then

2011-12-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

it's Love Project 2012

2011-12-02T00:52:00.001-08:00

Guess it?What's Love Project 2012...I guess... some of my students knew about it.Love. Live and Laughter.Love shall makes a difference. I believe? Do you?

Time to soar!

2011-11-06T17:07:00.000-08:00

a plain Sunday

2011-07-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

July 17th... Sunday. This is the probably the most simple Sunday, it did not turn as exciting as I expect it to be, however it was well spent.
Let me just update you what I had been doing since morning.
I woke at 8 am this morning, I guess I exhaust myself with work these days, I slept through the night until my alarm woke me up. I like cause it means I am really working :-)
I start the day by doing my laundry , had my refreshing cold bath and sat in front of my laptop checking the latest songs and emails. Chat a while while waitin for 11.. cause I told my date (Loi) that I be there at 11 ish.
SO off I went to Loi's to pick her up, we had "lui cha" for brunch, I was so hungry, then went back to her house to do some small business in her house.
Right after that we headed directly to the RM 2 Mart, I got myself a few plastic containers and steel spoons to be used in my school... while I was shopping around for my stuff, I sent my little greeny to be scrub, suck and wipe shinning clean. Yeah, it's been a long time since I last sent her to the saloon to polish her up.
WE headed directly to Johor Jaya, as I had to pick my little prince aka Bryan.
I promised to bring him for movie ~~ and it's food festival in KSL city.
However , things did not turn up as expected, my prince had a date with his uncle. His uncle is getting married soon, and on the same day, was having his photo session today. Too Many couples, too many hours spent on makeup and too many unwanted hours waiting ... the plan to KLS was slowly seem to fade from my mind.
While I was waiting for the prince and queen's royal photo shoot, me and Loi ,she were busy marking her students' books, we camp first at SDS opposite the store in Johor Jaya, once we were done there, we went to Uncle's Kopitiam just opposite the royal wedding studio. I was actually a bit thrill cause I want to see how my prince looked in a suit. He was not bad looking though...He just wore a white shirt and black long pants. But he was tall, I realize. He will definitely be taller than me next year.
Well, we spent almost the whole afternoon around Johor Jaya. WE went to KSL at 5.40.. we reached when it's near 6. SPent 1 hour there trying out whatever we have not seen there. Overall the rating of 1 to 5. I give it 1... cause it was definitely a dissappointment. Compare to PWTC where it had more than 50 choices, this is just only a few ants. Well,we did try out a few stuffs.. Potato cheesy seafood, takoyaki and japanese cream puff. Both of us bought brown rice tea. I bought it because i loved the aromatic fragrant of the tea and how it helps to slim me down. No caffeine. It was worth it.
FOOD pictures... we were so greedy that we forget to snap any , we just put it right into our mouths. It goes same to my prince, I wish we had took a pic altogether. Haha, my prince was a little bit shy, but overall it was ok. He is just like my little brother. I had another brother now.. ..
That's all for today.
here's some pic as update!

will you amaze me again?

2011-06-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

Friday it is already.
I miss Monday... I miss the days when I am working in school.
Weird huh?
My life has been so routine that I felt the best place on earth to be is in school planning lessons, marking books, and those tiny mini paper work.

I come to a point where I felt like doing more for my students which I think is a rare odds of me doing something more without asking anything.

Was it Time that changed me? Or was it my students that changed me?

Hope this passion continues to burn in me?

lookin' back and now

2011-05-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a long while since I blog. Practically since I started my so called as an educator work...

Looking back at when I first came here, I was emotionally down for like 1-2 months. I was not happy at all being all alone here in Johor and had no idea which way to turn beside the road that leads back to my rent house.
Funny...

Now, I would not say I am doing exactly GREAT.. but I was at least a bit happy.
I am still searching of what makes a great "teacher"... for I am still far from this goal.

Being a teacher is not something you could say like you have the best job ever, but it gives you the contentment when you see the One who's willing to work hard because of you..

I learnt from my students too... simply when they asked you questions when I least expected it. It is amazing how their words can stick in my mind and got me pondering about how I could answer them without feeling unnatural. It's the uneasiness that caught me...that Miss Wise Juayn will step right in and reminds me that I am a teacher and I MUST act like a wise adult.

YES I still need to act at least mature in front of them. Part of me wants to join in the fun of being a student and speak their languages. Students.. I am learning to love you.

-Written by on the making of a teacher-

missing feeling

2011-02-07T04:14:00.000-08:00

Just end the call from mom and there are teardrops streaming down my face.
The moment I picked up the call from mom, the first word I heard was "Big Baby, taken dinner yet?"
" Why big baby?"
" No la, so taken dinner yet? I just reached Serdang waiting for your bro to come pick me."
" Just done with dinner over here, 'pan mee with fishballs..."
Talked for a minute or two with mom before she hanged up.

Realized there were tears flowing down my face when I felt water droplets on my wrist. I thought I am immune to not crying again but I was wrong, I was after all a human despite being cold to the harsh world around me.
Family is the word... that would often now put me into melancholy.

Absence makes the heart grows fonder, 25 years and now I realized that being apart from your family member is not easy but it is so damn difficult to tolerate. Worst still if you are staying together with a family and often you will end up wondering how would it be different if my parents was here too?

How many times am I going to wave good bye to my parents and let alone the tears to do its work? How many times? How many times I do not know, but all I know is I never want to wave good bye and go through the pain of crying alone while I am reading , when I am bathing or during my sleep. No more again!

I am going back after 1 year. By hook or by crook. I want to stop the melancholy.

missing

2010-12-27T01:21:00.001-08:00

Now I just want to shout " MA I miss you... PA I miss you. I miss the way you guys care and advise me when I am down, lost and had no plans of my own.
" MAMA I just want to say sorry, sorry for being such a big trouble to you and not knowing what I want out of my life, sorry for being such a nuisance and so sorry for being such a big baby"
" Ma, I saw your tears when you sent me away and you saw mine... but I dare not bring myself to tell you it kills me to see tears in your eyes too coz I knew I will be in the same boat sobbing till our eyes get sore, mind exhausted and breathing heavily"
" MAMA I love you and sorry if I don't make you proud... I don't want to be away from you. I want to stay back next to you, working next to you, watching you smile and joke and even get mad at me , you are my super mom and my super boss.

MA and PA I miss you1

2010-11-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

... it's been a long long time since i last update..
pratically busy with nothing and something...
In the end, i got posting.
i got posted to Johor..
imaagine.. teaching?
teaching?it still sounds blur to me as I have never wanted to teach...
and now ...

Question is...if i give up posting.. what other options will be available for me after now .. could I give up?
i'll break my parents heart...
my siblings...
and maybe myself...
Life o life when you ever smile on me like you used to once more?

2010-07-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

Seeing the weather reminds me of the song by Nine Days ..The Story of a girl.
Words words and communication break downs. Barriers of communication.Even Siblings relation gone distant and family breakdown.
Intolerance...
Misunderstanding...
Ignorance....
Hatred.....
Miscommunication....
Being negative.

Love makes the world goes around... it's sad how in this world people often judge you because what you have.
People are selfish... judge too much, comment, say or even think too much when the simplest thing we can do is
Learning to be humble, learning to accept, learning to love, and learning to stand up and learning to be supportive.

What say you people??
A supportive community or restrained?

nice songs

2010-07-06T01:42:00.000-07:00

which will never happened in reality...

sounds more like me..

2010-07-05T03:29:00.000-07:00

Jesus you my all in all.

depression time

2010-07-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

i start to think this is a depression time now...
Looking at the news don't make anything better.
it's weird to know many superstar committed suicide because they can't stand the stress of this chaotic life.
lucky are those who continued despite the stress and chaotic of life.

I realized that i was not behaving like myself..
i was not myself.. at times I am not aware what I was doing.
at times i am aware.... things has change so much for me.

now i find it hard to put a smile on my face.
this has never happened to me, and I am glad tat i have friends who explained to me what actually happened.

Stand up stand up

2010-06-25T06:05:00.000-07:00

at night i sleep i keep praying...
and maybe even mumble in my sleep.
Jesus i need stability , i need peace of mind, i need confidence , i need a boast of love and honey back to my life...
I want peace of mind. I want stability and of course the courage to change things which seem impossible. The right people will come into my life and make me a better person. Sometimes I drawn so much of myself and help for what? Wat is life? when? when? when? I had never become so discourage of life....
I accept that tis is the time of trials and trials making me the perfect person for your plan. Review to me your plan... just like how I came to you Lord. You have touched me in ways that I cannot describe and therefore Jesus, come and make the great miracles again. Amen.

MIscommunication at work

2010-06-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

over the phone...

B: Juayn... did I passed you the celery slip ...

J: What celery? Since when u buy celery and passed it to me.... (thinking about the veges in the refrigerator??)

B: No meh, when I pass u the money... u got sign and give back to me anot???

J: Har???... wait.. celery celery celery... ohh .... u mean salary izzit??? I thought u mean the celery for fresh juices...

B: Ohh nola.. SO u passed it back to me. Ah then I go and find.

Life is never fair..

2010-06-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

Why I must pay for my car when my sis no need?
Why my sis can get black berry ?
WHy my bro used iphone leh??
WHy o why?

And they x even dare to explain...
Who is the one who step into my working life and land me in shit?

A series of unexplained event...

2010-06-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

1. given 2 weeks leave..
2. Then I extend..
3. Then I got offer letter... but the letter came late
4. I entered MBA . was late... but I survived. was there for 4 weeks...
5. Things were damn confusing until now...

But anyway... I was the senior registry haha for some time. It was fun doing that..."-)

If I can be a PHD candidate.. who else couldn't?
And you say I am just a girl...

well the top people in this world is a drop out right.
I am a grad school drop out just people think they cannot.. only.

realization

2010-06-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

So to say...
I can be the most random person on earth cause.
1. i change within mili seconds :-)
2. i realize i am capable of HIGH risk things
3. i realize i am superbly stubborn
4. very extremely rebellious
5. not afraid of anything
6. stubborn
7. want it to do it my way only. Again stubborn
8. Emotional. So okla.. ladies are emotional being. So have to control and be patience or my cells die faster.
9. Yeah... lost 2 kg hehehe
10. can go back to 65kg, then 63... then 61.. then 60. then 58 kg.. yes. exercise exercise and exercise. must walk more..

Review of past..

2010-06-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Revisiting January 2010…till now….
Confused and confused.
God I thought I was so happy that I landed the job as medical sales executive and earning lucrative commission. But miscommunication happens at work…
But I also was so caught with so many things in my brain… not that I am under a spell...I know how to control my finances. People thought I overspend…but I overspend for a reason.
But things change. Things don’t just go as smoothly…
Maybe people made up a play just to make things just so “to bodek me”… people think I am a trouble maker. Perhaps I am a trouble maker, peace maker, jail breaker or even a heart breaker.
But there is a reason I am heart breaker now – because I have no choice to live a life that my parents thinks suitable for me…you and me know we always do things to please our parents.
There… there and there … they said… how long you are going to wait you are 25 di?How long are u going to wait to see the perfect job?
Juayn thinks: Well, why is the rush… it’s not like I’ll never been waiting for the right job… so why bother? Not that I am rushing to get married or what… whatever la? The next thing you know, you are away from this cruel world. That’s why they said live a day as one. Tomorrow is a new day or perhaps no even tomorrow? So why bother?
Sales and marketing… anyone hiring? But location must be around Petaling Jaya.
Trust me, there a reason why I choose Petaling Jaya la.
As for posting, I am going tell the world.
I am not going for it  it was a decision made under anger.
Sorry for being a heart breaker,but I guess cause people step and break into my family matter and make things worst.
God you gave me such a difficult family to work with.
Philippians: 1:20 For to me life is Christ and death is to gain
But if I go living in this flesh - - if this is the fruit of my work – then I do not see what decision to make. I am in a hard position btwn the two , having the desire to go away and be with Christ, which is very much better: Still… although it hurts, to go on in the flesh is more necessary because of you.
To live and to die is also for you Jesus Christ.

Leong san bak and chook ying tai...

2010-05-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

I think when it comes to love and relationship...

There are trials to go through.

No body can make you do anything that you don't like.

However... things are not easy as it seems.

Along the way , they are rock...

Leong san bak and chook ying tai have test to go through.

Will leong san bak and chook ying tai passed the test...

Even it didn't work out?
Life is just the same.
Life goes on.

lightbulb time..

2010-05-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

Rich people buy a lot of expensive things.
Such a collection of expensive cars like Bentley, Lamborghini.. Ferrari, Posche. MaDZA.. MErcedes Sport, Jaguar .. BMW...Volkswagen Bettle, Bulgaltti...

why don't you use it leh.... i mean rent it la...
it's an income, why for u buy and put it there in the garage ...?
am i making sense here?

2010-05-26T19:13:00.000-07:00

A new way of marketing....

Uncle: So.. Mr. Jon it seems that you are a very successful entreprenaur today? How you make it?

Mr. Jon: All by GOD's grace.

Uncle: I see... is that so? Could you clarify?

Mr. Jon: Yes.. I mean, things just come in abundance for me when I prayed about it. God has been kind to me..

Uncle: Oh really... how do you know it's God? How do God speak to you?

Mr. Jon: Through my church..

Uncle: I see... hmm can i suggest you an idea?

Mr. Jon: Sure.

Uncle: Wouldn't it be wonderful that you could donate a sum of Rm 1 MILLION TO YOUR CHURCH WHEN YOU ARE NOT AROUND...imagine

Mr. Jon: Is that even possible?

Uncle : Yes of course. Just by insuring yourself of Rm 1 million; and by the time you are no longer around this RM 1 M will be donate to the church ...

EGO!

2010-05-26T19:06:00.001-07:00

work = war
work place = battle zone

Lyvia: juayn.. you know when you go to work place, some ppl will x like if you are better than them....

Juayn: what's wrong if I am better than them?

Lyvia: cause you see, you are just very new, people will not be happy if you are show off or you are better than them..

Juayn: what is the problem? What's wrong if you are better than them?
What's wrong? If you are the boss...who would you choose?
If I am the boss, of course I will choose someone who is capable la...

Juayn: This is a fair world.... if you are ahead, you lead first.. male and female are just as equal.

FIFO

First in First out...Always remember this, it doesn't mean that when you have been long with the company, the company will choose to retain you because the longer you stay the more they have to pay you for staying with the company. Therefore during retention, you are the first to go because by letting you go, the company can hired a few new young blood who is going to work very hard for the company.
Who's the boss now?
Old senior.. or young wave?

Have it your way~

Grant me my next wishes

2010-05-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

Dear God...
This is what I want now.

Help me... help my boss.
I think she really need 2 full time florist to help her run her business while she outsourcing for projects.
Please...
Please... leave my parents out of my work place.

Amen...

Dear God

2010-05-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

God....
I am really upset and depressed on how things are happening...

I am at the point of giving up.

How many times I have to restart all over again...

I am really angry on what happened in January until now...

I can't forget.
I deserved an explaination....
I want an explaination....

Help me!
Why o why?

You ask me not to judge...but I have to judge!
I am wrong because someone made me wrong...
Someone cause and landed me into this state...
How can I forget...

Was this part of your plan.

Where am I supposed to find another US 1.4 million...
I cannot! I no longer feel the motivation to live anymore....

Therefore...
Grant me this wish. For people who has caused me into tis shit...
There are going to get me back USD 1.4 million.
I don't care!!!!

2010-05-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

i don't even know what title to put here anymore...
i don't even know who i should trust anymore...
i don't even know what is what anymore...
i don't even understand why your parents should try to figure or make things easy for them and do not.

no body could understand what happened in January...
no body could ever pay back the damage the done on me in January.. just because i let out an out break.

HOW?

what is the truth and what is not the truth anymore...

I am sick of my family. They don't act like they way they should be...
they act like kids... children... checking on the kids all the time.
What wrong did I do?
What wrong did I do?

Wat is wrong to have want to have USD 1.4 million in cash...
where am I wrong?
Where am I wrong?

TELL me. Just because some said that, does that mean you believe totally?

I am funny at how things are working now...

I am tired.

DO not I say force me until the point that I think I would take the knife and slash myself dead!

I rather lived as a beggar than lived a rich life.
who said I am not concentrate in my work!!!
If that so , I challenged the whole world to work from 6.30 am till 10 pm non stop for 1 month for 1 month!
If I you fail, that means I work harder than all of u! end of story!
For the truth is always the truth!

Love

2010-04-02T01:22:00.000-07:00

Q: What is love?

J: Something that makes you feel high in the air yet... doesn't quite kill you

Q: Why fall in love?

J: It perfects you, it makes you human.

Q: Why does it hurts?

J: It hurts because you are not allow to touch the person you love... or you are not even allow to see them, people you love or friends you care.

Q:But when you see your friend you don;t talk...

J: Well sometimes someone just love to be the listener... you see...most of the time I am the listener...cause sometimes when someone stay at home too long...depression happens. when that happens.... something really bad is going to happen.

Q: So the person must be allowed to do what he or she loves, else, he or she getting confused of what they want in their life ....

J: But life is at such at such at such and at such... haha so (fuck it with life) when you don;t get the freedom to do what you like!

Q: so what is that you like?

J: Why should i say, why should I even tell? Why bother? cause all you know people is trying to things to amaze you? don;t even bother to try to please me. I don;t need that...

today I'll do what makes me happy

2010-04-02T00:42:00.001-07:00

Yeah Easter is finally here...
how happy I am.
Hehe... at last....
i'll be meeting a lof of people I miss my friends so much...
I really do... I wonder how they are doing with me not around.
Missy them so much
Tonight I meet Mable and all my lovely lovely friends :-)

my favourite song...

2010-02-05T06:48:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/user/taylorswift#p/c/12E43D243BEF14F2/10/8xg3vE8Ie_E

My X'Mas present...

2009-12-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

"Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you get until you open and taste each one of it" very well said.

That first Sunday of the year, i met him.. a stranger that touched me in ways I never expected. constantly being faithful, loving and caring (even when i find what a hassle he is to me) Yet he still follows up with me...

It's coming to the end of 2009, and i just want to say, it's been a fruitful courtship process for him and me, and I hereby confirmed : "I accept him"

Well to cut short : Patience is worth it, why?

1. I finally found myself. happy happy Juayn!
2. I got a fantastic job secured in a place and time I want.
3. HE has prepared a long list of presents for me.. see below.

4 months ago.
Juayn need a good job secure with a mnc company, she wants to earn her own money, get her own laptop, she need to secure a good clerk, she need to organize herself, and many more.

then 1 month ago.. He started sending me boxes of chocolate... one after another.

Nov 8 =secured my interview with OSSTEM.
Nov 18 = received offer letter
Nov 22 = accepted Job offer letter.
Nov 25 = successfully got my referee recommendation letters and submit MBA in UPM
Nov 28 = Successfully got good books from Amcorp book fair
Nov 29 -30 = managed to meet Shirley and Got my fist Charm bracelet

Dec 4 = Managed to secure an excellent clerk for my dad
Dec 6 = Bought my own personal(TOSHIBA) laptop - pC fair
Dec 7 = Confirmed clerk contract.
....
and many many more to come??

nice nice nice. amazing amazing and amazing. and More to come from me too :=) Merry X'Mas to everyone I love!!

What a wonderful perfect X'mas gifts.

picnik

2009-12-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

I did this haha using Picnik.

Random

2009-11-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

Bunny said: Yeah!!!

Perfect

chik chak 2

Chak 1

Getting her early birthday gift from me :-p

little bunny always happy...

Take 2 - clearer pic , thanks to Christine

Raya di Coffee Bean.. 'giler wey...'

-with candle-

Birthday cake for mable..-courtesy of papabear-

i realised...

2009-11-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

I realised i am the type of person that i can't work in fixed work location, especially desk /cubicle sitting down 80% processing documents and straining your eyes against the computer screen. I am totally not that type of person.

i like to be on the move (every 30 minutes my hands are on something else - or my legs are bringing me someone where else, i love to complete task with a sense of urgency because i'll get to enjoy more free time and less work on hold - I am that) - always enjoyed working without knowing how time have passed.

i like working within my own space, but also would like to get advices and help from others and find ways to do it my way.

i may take a lot of time to process, learn, think and decide, however once i made up my mind. or once i get hold of it, i can be Super efficient and amazingly - aggresive in nature.

i am not hot tempered or even quick tempered, but i am very focus driven, once i put my mind to something either i don't know what is happening around me or i'll get irritated wishing you just leave me alone and let me finish what i have in my mind.

i too sometimes over commit myself to others, especially my family. i am not sure, but that's how i grow up living my life, until the point that i forget the importance of the proverb "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" and "Spare the rod and spoil the child" which left me exhausted because them and myself is the top priorities in my life.

i don't speak my mind most of the time, even if you are someone very close with me (by blood or social relationships). i would rather wait before telling you everything, simply because most of the time i am observing, judging, testing or i don't see any point telling it to you.

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink = this is Juayn.

and please.. : "don't invent with your mouth what you eyes don't see"

Interview 101

2009-11-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

Tips..

have something to ask is better than nothing.

What I did well ( 80%)..
- research company history, profile, growth and profits of course the products.
- never ask for your salary until it is really necessary
- show confidence on the company and the employer
- well prepared ( read, memorize , and do mock interview)
- say a thank you note to the employer
- intro yourself, start of by a firm handshake, and say thank you for the and end it with a handshake when you leave the interview

What I can do better..
- should have asked why i can only start in January

i hate --------- stray dogs

2009-09-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

i hate stray dogs..
they just loved to bully your pet in group... (so bad)
they even bully the owner of the pet as well... (yrrrr)
wtf... almost having heart attack ...
10 dogs vs 3 dogs (1 on chain) and 1 owner [f>>>>!!!!] lari pun tak sempat...

ANNOYED!

rindu...

2009-09-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

i miss you- you - you - you and you.
i miss laughing with you
i miss crying in front of you..
i miss talking with you..
i miss miss and miss you
you and you.
i miss my sister.
i miss studying.
i miss working part time.

Rain..

2009-09-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Raining.
It's been raining since morning and drizzling until now...
I was awake around 8 something in the a.m and when i heard the raindrops on my windows... I can't help but fell back to sleep.
Funny... I have been sleeping for almost 1o hours (10) nowadays...and when my mom called me to wake up this morning. A thought flashed my mind: I so wish i can get a job that allows me to wake at 10 am.... (which I think it would never happened - it was just a thought out of the unconscious me).

As usual - I always start my day doing what needs to be done around home.
Then when I am free on my own - I check out jobstreet .. (routinely everyday and developed some love hate relationship with JOBStreet....)
Why bother to check when I know there is no good news...
I even start to love the idea of staying at home and doing whatever i like.
Helping around home, exercise, cleaning, helping in my dad's office, cooking and baking, walking my dogs everyday , and catching a movie sometimes.(What a life with no ambition.. right?)

When what you get used too becomes a habit, it is very dangerous.
I don't know whether I am not trying hard enough or I am being picky -- or maybe I am
avoiding...
If you say i am too picky- Maybe I am... and God sees this too... and why haven't HE do something about it.
If you say I am not trying hard enough - How come HE never put enough pressures on me so that I will try hard enough..
Or I could just say.... God has a plan for me. What's the plan? (may I know it soon?)

My brother said people will only turn to GOD when they can't find logical reasoning....

deng...

2009-08-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

shit shit shit shit. My optimist ism is being strike again....shoot to the dangerous level 2... hopefully not falling under ZERO.

So what happened... what pushes me to sink so low.....
IT's J O B L E .................with double $ at the end of the word.
Today a`17.56 pm.... one of my closest friend who was one in the same boat as i am smsed me... at last I got a call from Panasonic. Start work next Tuesday.... and suddenly everything turned gloomy for me. It was falling outside.... no storms but it wasn't a good news for me.

In the past days... i was the one comforting and supporting my friends... telling them not to give up. And now when you know you are the only one left.................
It does not feel GOOD at all....

YES.... Now I am afraid... afraid of being jobless longer than I expected. Getting blurrer with what I want to do...
Am i running away from reality? Am i lost? Am i crazy? Am i expecting too much?

Post graduation

2009-08-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

that's Mommy and LOi. (that time i x have camera so i just grab and go!!)

Convocation was amazing. Tiring but worth it. I can see clearly that my parents was more excited than I was.. at least i did them proud there.
Back to reality now.
Have been applying for jobs and yet no news.
Will keep on trying while i enjoy my free time reading and helping parents around home. (x really enjoy this) .... but I am also grateful when my friends found something to do with in the mean time.

When is my turn?
.......
sigh~

graduation

2009-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Graduated at last.
Never really give it a thought , yeah but it was cool.

The last week was really an OCCUPIED week for me.

Darn tired from rushing everything...
I was getting only 6 hrs of sleep ...

My friend was here.. so she kind of kept me occupied.
Running around with mom to help her out on her work... (sales and servicing you really need a lot of energy)

Spent the whole Thursday outside until 11 pm..
Attended a complete 8 hours seminar in Klang on Friday...(whole day)
Woke up early and rush to Raptai...on Saturday where I made a last minute decision to take my graduation photos with my family... so have to arrange time and place to suit every members of my family. ..(headache)
Sunday... woke early. Rush to PJ make sure my sister and brother had their robes... and tada.... took picture.

MISSION COMPLETED.

Really last minute.
The next day I was exhausted... I slept at 6 pm on Sunday almost until the next day.
And woke up feeling the stings of exhaustion... (sleep debt again)

So that's it. All in one week.

Convo is on this Sunday. So what happen after this?
What i want for convo?

A good mobile phone.
A set of skin care products.
A job.

A BOLD JUAYN!

Laughter

2009-07-27T00:06:00.001-07:00

it's been since a long time since i laugh...don't know why too.
yesterday.

at first i was reluctant to go to PJ, but in the end i went.
first time, i went to church alone.
lucky because the subject of preaching was about work.
"why work"
"what's the meaning of working"
"how to be happy with your work"
though jobless... it still relates to me so that when i got a job soon,
i hope i apply just that.
sometimes Pastor Vincent is just so funny... he talks just like my dad.
After church, i went to see angela and jeneft.
the lazy me, refused to drive all the way to Tropicana, but since I am there, i went Tropicana again.
After that, we did groceries shopping, i bought something for my sister to eat.
and I went to Jaya 1,
sat in the shop.
Happy I still remember some of the customers.
I spent most of my time laughing and joking there with my sister and LIZ.
I miss laughters~
and despite all the coming obstacles,
i am going to laugh laugh and laugh.
:-))PS: Actually wanted to put my KIKO laughing ~
tis just the same.

The confession of a "juayn"

2009-07-15T05:31:00.001-07:00

here i am again,
back to where i was 13 days ago....
.
i can't believe that i am doing this,
i quit my work after 1o days...
.
i don't know whether i make the perfect decision...
seriously the money is very important to me...
i thought i can only quit after 1 month...
then perhaps i still get my 1 month pay.
.
but sometimes HE always have a way of making things happen
i told my employer on Friday
and tada! Monday I don't need to turn in for work anymore
.
The End
.
I have to apply for jobs again now...
While you are about jobless again...
there were calls from companies..
and i turned it down...
with SOLID reasons.
.
But i learned some very valuable lesson..
1. If you felt things were wrong, then leave.
2. Always make sure what you are getting before you sign f0r anything (it's your right)
3. IF you can , at least go for ESTABLISHED private based company or you are very sure you are with the right employer
4. IF it go against your belief, leave it as soon as you can.
5. It all DEPENDS on YOU.

something funny

2009-07-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

while bathing my bitches...
i asked dad this:
"how come all the female dogs are meattier?"

cause they are very happy. all the male dogs not happy.
this shows that women can live without men...

and i go " ha ha " :)

4.25 am

2009-07-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

i woke from my sleep...
i am tired yet i can't go back to slumber land...
"What is happening?"

something is bothering me...

"this is not right /it's not my fault/ then quit/ not fair to me/ yes people will blame me/ i can't do this/what goes around comes around/ so quit/ quit when?/ September or August?/when you want to give your resignation letter/ give it by this Saturday/ Lord... I want to sleep... help me!/ solution solution/ what to do next?/ decision is in your hand/ stop being hesitating/ don't delay/ you are not efficient/ i need a friend/ a person who i can share my problems with/ what are my rights?/ why didn't i ask? / ask tomorrow!/

The more i ponder on it, the more it seems to appear.
I need to wake up.
Make myself a small cup of MILO..
Hopefully it puts me back to my slumber before I continue again tomorrow.

Dear Father, who can i talk too?

teacher! !!! ( huh........am i????)

2009-07-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

I just want to say this:
There may never be one teacher who knows it all... but a teacher despite what he/she is lacking.... strives to teach what he/she knows. ( i am tired )

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. ~Author Unknown

Who dares to teach must never cease to learn. ~John Cotton Dana (still learning today)

The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you just learned this morning. ~Author Unknown (most of the time)

Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals with inadequate tools. The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task. ~Haim G. Ginott (giving is receiving??)

to learn or to leave?

why

2009-07-07T08:02:00.001-07:00

why i have to be the one waiting for parents to fetch their kids home?
why i have to close the place by myself?
why i have to wait and walk to my car alone...
why i have to send them home sometimes?

i x understand why parents put their kids in center 24 hrs a week...
i x understand why parents can't put in their time for their children when they have only 1 kid but 1 maid and 2 expensive cars...
i x understand how to teach young kids..
i x understand why parents can hire personal driver and send kid to private school but x hire a personal tutor for the kid
i x understand why am i being so nice to people sometimes
i x understand why i go so far to work...
i x understand why i stay even a few more days in this job

BUT

despite all that. some little achievements..
I teach a stdr 1 girl to use the dictionary..
I like to teach young kids standard 1 to 3..
Teach them few new words...
Becoming friends with them...
Be their listener...

Trying to teach something even I don't know..
*sobs*

i want to rant!!

2009-07-05T17:43:00.002-07:00

OMG OMG OMG....
"this is hard" "i can't believe that i am doing this" "this is so confusing"

Trials trials and trials...

to stay or not to stay...

I have been working for 5 days now... plus today 6...
I have been asking around as well.
Everyday when I am back from work... I called someone. Why??? Cause I need to let out what I faced in work.Everything.
Seriously... I don't like what i am doing now. On the first day itself... I want to quit the next day.
I have never, never... never almost never encounter this thing in my life until I work now.

The children that i am facing everyday are good.no stress working with them.
It's just the teaching part... i felt i am just the like the personal tutor to each of them. So confusing.

My pay per hour is less than a part time teacher.
I am doing what I am able for the moment. But at the end of the day.I am very confused again.
" Imagine what's it is like to be a ping pong ball attending to each student"

I am sure this is not the experience I am looking for.

But even when I am sure, I can do much better than this...
I can't leave that soon.
am always thinking and thinking!!!

What's wrong with me!

i want to rant!!

2009-07-05T17:43:00.001-07:00

Family

2009-06-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

"father and mama i love you"
f.a.m.i.l.y
so true.

i just want to say this:
Been home for quite some time and discovered these in my family.
Good points: (clap people..)
I have a very nice younger brother... since I came back home I can't make it to wake up at 5.3o am in the morning to walk my dogs...It is always Willy and papa doing it.
I have a dad that would do almost everything in the house for us and yet don't grumble at all.
Mom always make sure I have something to eat, I am safe where ever I go and always tried to make me happy and talk to me. (me not good in faking -bad actor)
Mom and dad has never put unnecessary stresses on me. never force me to work ASAP, never judge my results, never compared me to my friends ... and despite all the lousy planning and mistakes i used to make, they always "kautim" for me.

Juayn say: Yet sometimes I still take things for granted, which I try to minimize. I wish dad can retired and do what he wants in his life, i wish i can make life more comfortable for them, i wish they don't have to worry about me and my siblings. Sometimes i forget...because it is always all about me, me and me. Sometimes I am being very ungrateful too, cause I forget (all the time). Then there is Willy... despite the bad grades... he is really the most helpful around home. IF he is not around.... I don't even dare to think a life without him. I pitied him sometimes, youngest and always wanted to be on par with his elder brother and sisters (so stressful for him- poor thing). Or should I say me and Willy are more homey person. He is some sort like me, we had that sense of sensitivity and deep sense of understanding. So we obliged -most of the time. Willy always the peacemaker as for me - the ignorant one.
Lately someone asked me whether I had any personal talk with family members.
I've been thinking then, actually We don't. We don't talk about our dreams, our problems we faced outside about anything except for mom and dad. I wish sometimes walls can be broken down... so that we are open to each other, encourage and help each other instead of shouting and comparing who did more compared to who. (it's not really helpful here...)
Then thanks to my friends..(you know who you are). I am grateful I have you cause you remind me of the importance of the family. You make me think less of myself but more of my parents. (Very true....)
"Your parents are tired too and did they say anything in front of you- when you were away from home ? Did they complained to you... did you ever thank them... have you thought of that?
"Help Willy lo... he has been doing all the housework for you when you were hands. Give him some time to rest and study.... "
Prompt and prompt and prompter.

Reminder: Less of me and MORE for my family.

Bad points:
Sometimes we just loved to spend more time outside than going back home cause we run away from parent's supervision, nagging and freedom. (you know what i mean)
We always take things for granted Eg: Mom/Dad will do it, She can do it, He can do it. (no worries right)
We always see that our problems is BIGGER than the sky... and never with our parents.
You are busy, busy and busy and you don't bother to come home even when you are near.
Don't bother talking to each other even when you are home.
Don't bother to call too sometimes.
Just say and forget to SHOW. (>.<>

Juayn say: Those are the bad points that I have when I am at home. I hoping to change that. I am learning to be grateful and always less of me and more for my family.I don't want to take things for granted, it is better of me to spend quality time with my family before we no longer find the time for each other. A simple ACT of love is better than what you can provide for your family.

Just a genuine thoughts from me. Confused as I am...
i am capable of analyzing too.
A little advice from me: Do reflect all the time.

3 2 1 Boom!!!!

2009-06-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

321 Booom!! (Gun shoot)

and everyone started running....
Life is like a marathon..
and now placed in the field of runners - i am one of them.... before I was just the audience watching by the side.... observing who made it in the end.
and now I become the "bets" of many....

I always believed... we lived to make others proud..life is a show ... and sometimes they are the judges..

3 2 1. days to go~~. start my working life. Start another part of my life. Start of more responsibilities...
again.. I am afraid. "Afraid of what Juayn :"
Many. Many things...
What would it be like 1 year from the second i start?
Where am i heading too?
Would i come back looking down and dull?
Can i do better than this?
Is this my life picture?
Is this what i really want?
Why am fussing over how much I am being paid and how much work i need to do..Cause i like a break in between. I DON'T like to work all days and no time to breath. Don't tell me "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile".
What bout my own dream?. What are my dreams?. I don't know ....

Been sleepless a few nights now... tired of thinking . Tired of everything. Tired of myself. Tis' not me.
i don't want to lost my sense of direction in life..
i don't want to be stuck at one point
i don't want to lead a life full of fallacies. just because that make you happy.
i am ....confused. brain empty.

List to do

2009-06-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

List to do

below is the list of things i have to get it done before i start work officially on July 1

1. Fix my lappy (coming soon)
2. Renew my driving license (done) and service my little green apple (this sunday)
3. Get myself a presentable pleasant strappy heel (soon)
4. Shop for decent clothing (:-))) hehe) (X need)
5. Decide what to request before i sign my appointment letter (settled)
6. Back to gym or not cause i am getting bored without my friends ( KIV)
7. Watch movies one last time (X need)
8. Learn Chinese (KIV)
9. Skin care!! I need a new set.... anyone who can suggest?(KIV)

sigh sigh sigh...shit shit shit
I got my schedule....and I x like it.
Need to be positive.. I am getting crappy. REAL crappy!!!!

OMG ... and ooo mmmy...

2009-06-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

While eating my bowl of mom-made pan mee this afternoon...

OMG ~~~

Mom said this:
Later go to bank for me... go and pay for the car installments... go Public Bank,Alliance and Hong Leong Ok...

Me: ooooyoh... so many banks ah?

Mom: Yalor, pay for all your cars lahh. Oh ya hor ... when your salary will be given to you? End of the month ah?

Me: Don't know never ask...

Mom: Then when your salary is out, you give me RM 1000 to pay for MYVI.

Me: O.0 ....Wahh... so much ah... then I have nothing to save lor

Willy:Wahh... so much meh. What she eat hor.. cannot save also!!

Mom: Still got RM 1000... mah. Not enough ah?. Paying for your cars I used a lot of money already leh. I haven't pay for insurance and savings funds leh...

Me: Aihhh cincai la cincai la... (continue eating while doing the calculation in my mind) Ok faster.. finish everything... then go to bank.

Mom: You don't need to buy any clothes for your work lor...so you save a lot already what...

Me: Yalor.Wear black skirt /pants only.and their T- shirt.... so I don't need to waste money. Wear simple simple go to work....

Mom: Hahh... cannot. Makeup leh.... after work how? Must take care also.

Me: No need la...

Mom: Need la... Got guys see you one mah.

Me: Just a small center la , where got guys. All female teachers...and parents...

Father: Become second wife lor ....

Me: (0_0)... har...

Mom: What if you need to meet with parents.. or the kids's brother or uncle? Must be presentable...

Father: Juayn... you rushing to get married meh?

Me: (chewing my pan mee..)... Nola. Find money first ....

Mom: Must dress nicely be presentable....you never know when the guys are eyeing you...

Me: ..()_() ... (ooooommmmyyyy~~~ sei lor . Now they are worried whether i will get a guy for myself anot)

Willy: Jie later at 5.30... you bring the dogs for their daily walks ok??

Me: Why .... cannot wait for you to come back and do it with me ah?

Willy: NO mah..I want to go to gym.

Me: (irritated..) Go gym for what har... housework not exercise ah. After you walk the dogs then only go cannot ahh...

Willy: Now you know. Last time i pulled everyday no one to help me leh....

ME: Yalor.. you go ask ur friends : Any of them wants any dogs anot... Next time I work di.. how? U pulled urself lor...

ME: SIGH SIGH SIGH [FAN SEI YAN LA!!!]

List to do

2009-06-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

below is the list of things i have to get it done before i start work officially on July 1

1. Fix my lappy
2. Renew my driving license and service my little green apple
3. Get myself a presentable pleasant strappy heel
4. Shop for decent clothing (:-))) hehe)
5. Decide what to request before i sign my appointment letter
6. Back to gym or not cause i am getting bored without my friends
7. Watch movies one last time
8. Learn Chinese
9. Skin care!! I need a new set.... anyone who can suggest?

- a good one-

2009-06-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

Life is short
Break the rules
forgive quickly
love truly
laugh constantly
And never stop smiling
no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be
but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

a teacher then a lawyer

2009-06-17T06:02:00.001-07:00

"RESPONSIBILITY"
to others...

and did i mention this?
The person who gave the seminar is a lawyer.
SHE was a school teacher for a few years.. then was sponsored by government to further studies and she did LAW and now a lawyer.
Wonderful right??!!~ a teacher then a lawyer. [You can be anything you want too]
I just want to say this, looking at the ways she talked and explained.... she look more like a teacher than lawyer. She is very humble and i like the way she spoke. She has very good work ethics and attitude.

Well... it's a confused and greedy world out there... but always always do good! If you can, never be greedy. cause you lived for other people as well..

brain tired..

2009-06-17T05:19:00.001-07:00

attended a seminar today on the distribution of WILL.
learned something very important.

Q:When your dad gives you his fortune? would you take it?
YES of course!
Q:But then do you know when you are his beneficiary - you inherit his liabilities as well....
Ohh....
Q:The world is fair. The law is fair,you get something you need to give something in return. Just as you are happy that you inherit a fortune,but always bear in mind, as the next to kin to the deceased, you are liable to his liabilities and therefore debtors will come after you. "Yau ching toh tau tong!"

Q: A WILL only makes the distribution of assets easier..but ever wondered what you need to do when you want your WILL to be executed? LA, Probate, Transfer of assets, legal fees...
Wah so many things.
Q:The whole process to get everything distributed min 1-2 years (if you have everything prepared)
But most of the time people forget about legal fees.
Eg: First 100,000 charge 1%
Second 100,000 charger 0.7%
bla bla bla....

Means the more u have the more you have to pay for transfer fees.
Funeral expenses for the deceased.
Legal fees...
Q:Have you prepare or set aside a immediate fun where you can use to pay for funeral expenses and all necessary legal fees?
My god. It's not easy to be someone's child too.Great responsibilities...

Q: EPF is bankruptcy proof. So the more u save in it, if u are issued bankrupt, debtors can't come after ur EPF money.

Q: Ladies.. do you know EPF is a matrimonial property? If u are divorcee, during the process you can claim 1/2 of your husband EPF...(starting from the date u were married..)..

Summary of what i learned that I SHALL do now .
~ Make sure i have save enough and prepare enough when it's Time ( x want siblings fighting over a pot of gold)
~ TO prevent unforeseen rivalry between relatives. even when you are single and wahtever you had, you have a WILL written clearly on how to distribute your assets and SETTLE your liabilities.
~ Never ever ever die living a DEBTS behind because you will only make the life of people close to you DIFFICULT.
~ To leave behind a legacy, you need an expert in ESTATE planning. Not all lawyer can do this - cause lawyer have their own field of expert.

Juayn say on this:
People.. whatever age group u are in, and whether you are dead or alive... you are not just responsible for yourself. You are responsible to the life of others.... very true. And if you say you love them, then the very least you can do is make sure you fulfill your responsibility towards them that is making sure you don't leave behind your troubles and shit to them but leave behind only valuables worth your good memories. Therefore live each day as your last day. Never postpone what you can do today.

I am brain tired.. realistic me again.

Connected to you . you . you and you!

2009-06-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

I like this . Really like it! Hope all my darlings loved it as well~

Dance slowly

2009-06-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

My little brother gave me this poem. It means he is thinking and reading :-)

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever
watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
fast
Time is short.
The music won't
last

Do you run through each day
On the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
fast
Time is short.
The music won't
last

Ever told your child,
We'll do it
tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
through your day,
It is like an unopened gift...
Thrown away.

Life is not a
race
Do take it slower
Hear the
music
Before the song is over.

i found something ..

2009-06-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

TADA!
I found something i like...
Teaching... but not the conventional way.
A different approach but i am still teaching...
Why I like it?
it's motivation learning...
It's something that allows me to develop myself.
It's a positive learning environment..

Now i must send vibes to attract them to take me!!
Pray for me people... pray for me!

Take what I have and give me what you have in plan for me

2009-06-06T06:56:00.000-07:00

today is Saturday and a Public holiday. I had an interview today in jaya 1.. and i came for the scheduled interview but was not suitable for the job. but i was given something else.. referred me to TOC and i went to ss 19 for the unexpected interview.
I was offered a marketing /sales position which i find it fun... but on the other hand ( as life is not a bed of roses) i need to travel to 80 schools (solo) in Klang valley to create awareness, campaign, prospecting and hunt down prospective students for TOC. Basically i need to work all by myself (ONE MAN SHOW)... it's just that i hate the idea of moving to different locations all the time... which i know that i may give up sooner (max 3 months). But the group of people that i am dealing with are parents, teachers, principals and again students :-) [BUT I AM Definitely turning DOWN the job]. i believe there are better offers out there...

After that in the evening i went to church with angel and cheehwei. Guess what... next week preaching will be on sexuality. A pastor from gay turned straight and married. Eye opening..After church we had dinner.. but we were very quiet..not the usual us. I don't have mood to even eat anything....because i was confused again of what i want... and i decided to turn down the offer. x bother calling me for second interview as i believed i can find better than this one. (HOPEFULLY!!)

I sent them back to their respective towers after dinner and drove back to my own safe haven. While i was driving back... i really wanted to talk to someone. Someone that can tell me what is right from wrong.Someone when he said something even just a line... that would bring a lot of difference in my life. Someone~~: even by the thoughts of him bring tears to my eyes.
He brought me into this world, raised ,feed and taught me the values of life, education and peoples. He is always the understanding one...
But then how could i approach him ... and say:
What is life, huh... and what is dream?
Why do i went to university for in the first place?
What do you expect of me?
DO i make you proud?
What can you see in me that i don't see? What is important ... what matters? How to know if i make the right choice? and how did you manage to achieve all these... Pa..?
Tell me..

But then...Will it break your heart if i were to confront you with these...?
I hate this.
I hate the fact I may break your heart when i tell you these...
I hate that i made you worried cause I am worried that I am not moving anyway from here... i am afraid. YES I DAMN ADMIT IT.

... it crush my heart ... it does and always will!

Thought of the day: JUAYN!! your English ahh....haih.. (PS: I know, therefore I accept and still learning to speak properly)

what career will suit your personality...

2009-06-05T08:06:00.001-07:00

and this is what i found out in i-village quiz.
sigh~~
You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

Artist
Historian
Banker
Novelist
University Professor
Photographer
Vet
Paralegal
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Producer
Managing Director
Nutritionist
Advertising
Nursing

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don�t like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.

me. 4 yr / 1 year ago and now...

2009-05-30T05:47:00.001-07:00

This one : Just recently.

My sis said this one look pretty and energetic.

I told her: Because i am just done with ....wahaha:SYIOK!!!

Getting disease like Mable already. See beh suka CAMWHORE>.<

Yes. I am pretty bored.
Look down ...
See any difference?
Younger or older or still the same?
hehe

2008... first time cut so short... looks boyish but i like.

smile:-))

Sie beh cool. (Action la)

Lengchai anot? (whahaha)

This one above is in 2006 if i am not mistaken haha....
That time long hair.. naturally straight and wavy.

Doggy style...

2009-05-28T03:11:00.000-07:00

I walked my dogs most of the time... because they need to shit.
I have 5 dogs... 4 mongrel and 1 Pekingnese who gets to live inside the house while the mongrels outside.
So.. basically i need to bring each of them out... to and fro my house...
and just now... I saw puppies everywhere. ... 5 altogether... from different father i guess wahaha. 2 blacks and 3 brown... and guess what. Opposite my house, my neighbour had 2 puppies from their dogs too. Male and female the perfect match.
I guess last month mating season was fruitful. But yet I can't adopt anymore pups... cause I had too many, I don't have time for them - walking them needs 2 hours everyday. Plus you need to bathe them every weekend. So I hate it....

And... as Mable was bored with her life...
I too have nothing to do but sit at home and do whatever I was told...
I too played with KIKO - my brother's favourite daughter.
I found out this too..
KIKO lookalike >>>>deng >>>>>deng>>>>>>deng>>>> MISS MABLE LIEW : Check below.

KIKO

MABLE LIEW

Don't you think their eyes looks almost the same. THE same begging-give-me-something-to-eat-please EYES. Big and puhtteeyy....(woff woff)

When life throw shit at your face...

2009-05-27T00:41:00.002-07:00

YOU MADE ME SO ANGRY!!!!!

Today was supposed to be a fine good day... and it all turned out wrong.
My parents came back early from office.... then asked to do this and that which is fine since I have nothing to do. But I hate it the most when they planned for me... like they are always right. I mean.... all these years of growing up, I have been very very obedient. I mean really follow and do what they want me to do and most of the time I don't know why I do it- but because they asked me too- which I DID!

Then they told me this: Hey, why don't you attend the WILL class with CCC this coming June 17, entry fee Rm 50 only. DO something more,since you have nothing to do.
Juayn: Err.... I think about it first.
Dad: Then what you want to do.... I don't know you la. For you...earning RM 2000 is enough for life izzit. If you can earn extra isn't it better? Writing a will can earn u RM 400... that's not money ah?
Juayn: Errr... errrrr, (in my heart i really don't want but dad always make things sound right) I see first la....(went into my room to avoid talking further)
Mother: Eiii.... why are u always in your room.. Come out la. I want you to do something.
Juayn: What.... what else you want me to do....
Mother:Later you take out the pork, chop it and cook with taufook pok. Then boil soup...blalalalal
Juayn: Ohhh.... yes I know. (sien)
Mother: SO you cook dinner ok. I don't need to rush
Juayn: (Biasala)

Then waited for a while.... almost time to pick my brother from school. I need to go to post office because my brother asked me to renew the road tax for his clients since i am so damn free nothing to do at home.

SO i fetch my brother and went to post office. I parked nearby and waited for him in the car.

After like 15 minutes, he called me:

Willy: Jie... you find RM XXX in the car anot?

Juayn: What are u talking about? Wha... where got. U

Willy: Wait i come and find...

Juayn: WHat the fuck!!.,... You want me to die ahh... where's the money? You search all over the place already anot? I thought I gave u the money together in the folder...

Willy: I d k... when I pay in the counter only left Rm 10.

Juayn: Shit la.. you go find again... you really want me to die izzit.

Willy: Am i so damn unlucky ah...... sei lor..

Juayn: Sei your head ah. How now? Customers money.. Lawrence said need to be renew by today. SO now u what? Call dad and said u dropped the money and lost it. or called Lawrence? Then how? WHo pay.... customers' one la... Still neeed to pay ma. Ayooo why you so Careless...... ^&*(%^&*()%^&*()%&*(

And that's where everything went wrong... I was really really angry. How could life play such a joke on me..

was it my fault or not my fault? I hate this...Ar@#$%^&*()_+@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_@#$%^&*()

I was so angry I want to KICK myself DEAD.

Juaynna : U read u keep to yourself.

Willy will settle it himself.

once upon a time in the future....

2009-05-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Live : Xiao Hwou
Love: Xiao Ai
Laugh :Xiao Ha

Once upon a time in the future..There would be 3 little children. Children that would bring hope, love, faith and laughter to everyone's face. How do they actually do that? See below.

IN the playground...
Xiao Hwou: Wei wei wei, you come and see... this stone nice ma?
Xiao Ha: What what.... (running towards xiao hwou)...ahhh

Xiao Ha trip and fall towards Xiao Hwou Bloumm......piakahamgea
Xiao Hwou: Aiyohh.... you see, you make me dirty already. I go back tell ur mothe r.
Xiao Ai: Yeah we can play water already....
Xiao Ha: you mean go pom pom ...
Xiao Hwou: But we so dirty... water will turn black. Where got clean?
Xiao Ai: Go back our mothers will bath for us one ma...
XIao Ha:True also... then let's get dirty..... pick up sands and throw at Xiao Ai and Xiao Hwou..
Xiao Ai and Xiao Hwou: Oiii.!!! Arrghhhh!!! Don't la~
Xiao Ai : You want to play izzit.... ok fine. Take up more sands and throw at Xiao Ha hair...
Xiao Hwou: I help you... take a pail and filled with water and splash towards Xiao Ha..
Xiao Ha: Woooii..2 against one. U wait... go towards a hose and spray water to Xiao Ai and Xiao Hwou...

And they throw sands and water at each other.... when they are almost tired, they walk back home together....they look like a bunch of dirt rolled together like lumpur yang sudah keras.

When they reach home , their mothers are siting together rejoicing on the good old time.

Angela: Holy Shit... looking at them: Hey.. who started it first?
Mable: OH my god... Har.. looking at them :YOU better don't touch me.
Juayn: Oh my goodness... die la. looking at the children:You guys nothing else to play ah?
They look at each other kid.

Xioa Ha pointed to Xiao Ai and Xiao Ai pointed Xioa Hwou and Xiao Hwou pointer to Xiao Ha...

So who do you think started it?

The Climb >>>>>>>>>>>>is tough

2009-05-24T05:32:00.000-07:00

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Whoa a oh oh

T O U G H..

2009-05-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

I am back in Kajang. Hopefully for good la...

I have yet to get a job...
I am still waitin for interviews
I still can't decide what I want...
I am losing myself..
I feel i am so so faraway from God too...
I been missing church and cell...
Cause I am so far far away...
I can't a good reason or excuse to go PJ. I want too.
I want to attend church... i want to attend cell too
But how?

I am tired of where I am now.
I want to be doing something useful that will lead to a bright future...
I want to change. i need support.... somebody help me please.

meatball...

2009-05-19T07:09:00.001-07:00

Mable. Meatball..bebola daging... BO BO... sometimes I called her fei poh.
I came back from Sabah this afternoon and I met someone I hold dearly to my heart. I guess i forgotten how he actually look like cause i can't find him in the crowd..., now I say : HE LOOKS so much COOLER and HANDSOME in his uniform (almost like a pilot uniform ) How cool is that?

But somehow..my holidays in Sabah was a great one. Although I complained...(who doesn't?- culture differences what) when I looked through the pictures we took together, they were beautiful and awesome. They contained smiles, happiness, laughters and even thoughts..

Well throughout the trips I was very quiet. I had many things on my mind... I don't know what to say. What there are to talk about when everyone is having some identity crisis - since it was a holiday trip, might as well forget all the troubles of life. Then I asked Mable a question : Mable when are u going back and she said May 23rd....

I was like" har... so fast..."
And then I realized wah... they are leaving faster than I expected.
Time: Why must you passed every single second? Can't you stop a while??

I too.. hate the fact that I ccccooommmmmeeee back to reality. I need to continue my job hunting... despite my low self-esteem. But i put that all to next week. I am going to spend this week with all my friends before I continue my routine- life- crisis- identity search.

Mable... I do it all for you. Oh yeah... and I loved the way Joan and Mable hugged me in LCCT this afternoon. I know I am huggable....:-) Thanks. Hug me more ya... I might miss it.

Only for Mable~ Memories of Juayn of Mable.

Testing.. testing 1 2 3

2009-05-11T03:26:00.000-07:00

"a drop from the deep blue sea- ONE person once told me, you can be part of the sea when you become a part of me, you are then one drop larger than me-

Just when I wished i would get interviews, all came in one by one.
OF course there were good ones and bad ones...Sometimes I wondered was it because i left my options wide and when job interviews came in that I am left with a 50 50 decision.
Pay too low- cancel
Pay good - location x too far - reject
Company small - reject

I wished i can decide what I really want to do.
But that does not mean that i am lost. I know what i am capable of.
I hope that for the coming job interviews I have decided what and where I want to be.
I am open to new challenges.

God has been kind and helpful
Friends have been very helpful too. Opps!!!: AND FAMILY TOO... sometimes you tend to forget. But they are in my heart all the time.
What can I say... Lord use me to the max.

don't know what to say ...

2009-05-06T09:25:00.001-07:00

Been working in a florist shop for a while till now...
tomorrow i have an interview - TOMORROW -...which i got because i took up the courage and made that call.
i am nervous and lost for words ... cause i don't know exactly what i am supposed to say when SHE asked me things that i have no answer myself.

the first question SHE asked me is: Why do you want this position? ~ and i asked myself ~ WHY?
Because I need a job. because i am looking for one now, because the words HRM interests me....
so what i know about HRM, it's about managing the people in your company. How to get people in and get them motivated and made them fall in love with their job.. training and getting feedback for the improvement and complaints made about the company. HAHA>..< style="font-style: italic;">KEDEKUT LOR)

why i am trying so hard now... because i am trying very hard to break free from using my parents' money.
i want to be able to pay for my car installment,i want to save rm 500 a month... i want to give them at least rm 1000 each month. ( and you say i have such high aims: yes I do, because that is the LEAST: the LEAST i can do for my PARENTS. if my parents can squeeze their sweats and bend their bones for me) why can't i do the same for them now that i am young - don't tell me i can take my own sweet time - cause time waits for no one.

i know nothing is going to be easy...i must strive on at least for sure I am not going to DIE at the end of it. if it doesn't kill me . so i move on to the next until i come to the right destination. i'll do just that.

oh and yes: Happy Birthday Delayne (one of my cell leader in PJ)... Have a great one.

i love and i love and will love

2009-05-01T06:31:00.001-07:00

coming back to my home isn't always a good thing to do cause whenever i am in my safe haven,
I become a lazy pig. only when one is at home, one let go of the burdening stress of life. who doesn't ?
A home... a place where you can rest assured that your parents will always be there for you... and i wonder. How long can i stay this way?
Parents... if they can or allow , they would want to walk with you to the end of your life...? we all know that is impossible...
Transitions.... sometimes you wished you could have freeze a few years so that nothing bothers you for the moment. That's impossible...

Life.. is a what?
i have been sleeping for 2 days... tired from work and so many things to worry about.
At one point i want to rest,
at some point i hope i would get interviews..
at another point i wish my thoughts don't attract the applications which i have sent out...
what exactly i want?

i know it's not just me.
i know there are many things waiting for me outside there... only GOD knows what...
i know i am afraid, sometimes to the point that i don't think i can make it... or i am not good enough...
i know i need the money, i know i can't stay jobless forever...What the F*** that i really want leh?
i know i don't want to be a burden to my family...
and people used to say... sometimes only after a while you will realize that you are bless and lucky to be in that situation.
Will that happen again for me?
sigh~ i really don't know. whyleh?

i want to stay in pj but do what there?
sooner or later my friends will get a job and get on with their life ... so what happen then?damn.
whatever it is...
= ) i just want to tell my friends. i love and i love you guys more than anything. time may erase me from your memories...and i don't blame you because...:-)) ngek ngek ngek ... I will come back and KACAU you people. It's a way to stay in contact right?
XOXOXOXOXOXO Juayn :until that time i will hang around until you guys chased me out whahaha...

See i told you. suddenly i phsycho liow.....siow cha boh. Home. A place you can be anything you want. Seriously people ... update your blogs la. at least something to feed my poor mind la.

.speech Less?? O.o kua

2009-04-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

it's amazing to see that one has never changed at all ...
it's amazing to know that one too can be very ignorant or act stupid
it's amazing to know that one can be so careless to the extreme of being brainless
it's crazily funny too one can just decide that people changed so much after a few days...

i may be saying truths behind your back...
i may be the most stingy person on earth..
i may be also the worst friend you ever had...
i may done wrongs that i never realized...
i may be the bad person instead too...

but . /stop/

never . never . never
i would become
the person i disguised.

i wish i am the frozen cherries on the cherry tree in winter. because at least i stayed the way i am through winter. affected by nothing for the cold icyness that shielded me and preserved me. i am not going to be...

say then do!

2009-04-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

say...
then do what you say...

don't say...

then you do the other thing...
don't say...
then you do nothing about it...
so who's the clown...?
YOU!!

-Thanks for making such a wonderful show-

Final ... EXAMS

2009-04-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

finals finals and finals... it's my finals exam in university of Malaya.
and guess what... i am always in [running nose] mode whenever i come back home. is it because i am weak or my house have just so much dust flying around and has caused me to have running nose all the while.
when you are having running nose...
you feel like you want to lie down and close your eyes because your nose is stuck and only by lying down you feel better...
you want to sleeeeeppppp
you stuck your nose with toilet roll paper and by the end of the day, your room is full with roll dumplings made of your nose water...shit...
you want to throw your books away...
you eyes are sore from reading and rubbing
your nose grew red like the Rudolf the red nose reindeer...
and yet you can't because tomorrow is your exam day.

ARgghhhhh whatever la!

that-

2009-04-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

As i was reading the bible yesterday night... i saw that.... i never know which page to start reading when i am reading the bible. i just turn to a page that my fingers brought me too and started reading.... and in less than 15 minutes i found something that -

"Children- obey your parents as that pleases the Lord"

and that's it!

money. i need you

2009-04-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

sigh.
money oh money...
can u tell me why i am working for you and not the other way around.
money oh money.. why must you make my life so miserable?
why do i have to choose between you and doing something that i fancy... can you please tell me.??
currently i am working to pay for my trip in Sabah...(which i think is not a very good plan trip because of the money that i need to spend)
i don't know if this is a right decision also ...
i haven't start sending my resume to companies...i mean what's the rush? i am still going to sabah and come back to Kuala Lumpur. even if i start sending now, i don't think i am quite ready for the working world. cause... study study then suddenly working. and working for money. i want to enjoy for a while first before rushing to work lor. of course i know i need the money. just i malas to ACTION only FTM. >for the moment< can i?
i just want to do what i feel like it.
also sorry to studying...just damn lazy to continue studying...
and also revising for exam.
guess i better bring my spanish book to revise for my exam. work is really boring and no fun when in fact you know that earning 3.50 per hour just because you need to secure a job urgently to pay for your own trip and keeping this secret from your parents because you know very well, they are going to F*** when you tell them the amount of money you are going to spend there.

Just one thing to say: GOD BLESS ME! AMEN.

messed!

2009-04-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

aaarrrrgggghhhhh.....
one more week only:
1 more week only and it's killin' me already.
just back in health... and where i think i can give all. i feel like i am going to lost control again.
there are so many things on my mind...
test. money. work. assignments. presentation. [**** it!!!]
even though i keep telling myself . it's going to be over soon.... one more week.
Yet that 1 more week i feel like i need to drag myself to overcome it.
i can't afford to stop now....
and when i almost trip. or fell. or speeding home. or almost knock into a lorry.... whatever that are going to occupy and ruin my mind. i feel like i'm in a mess! super damn messy. i hate this semester.
nothing started well. and i only hope it ends well.
is this what university life is all about.... rushing datelines and losing minds and control . this and that. [ #### it with everything in uni] [ #### IT]

JUST KILL ME!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

2009-04-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

it's time ....
move!
ahead . front . forward.
it's time
let go.
no longer a walk
to enjoy anymore.
it's a marathon now.
can't STOP.
i know ...
i am and i will.

home

2009-03-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

why when i come home...

i feel peaceful instead of worried?
i feel relax instead of uptight?
i feel calm instead of stress?
i feel better than worst?
i feel i can do it than i don't think i can do it?
i feel restful instead of restless?
why oh why?

my home, my nest, my protection.
lie in between these walls of my room...
i felt i belong here in this calm solitude.
i like it here, i want to be in this room forever shut away from the distractions and temptations from outside
a lone ranger in my own world ...hmmm isn't a bad idea after all...
time always seems to be longer when i'm here though 24 hrs are universal..
a room that lets me free and be what i want, it is always pleasurable to be in here.

here: i can forget what bothers me (for a while), and let alone swimming around my endless thoughts of what if, what could, what's tomorrow, what's next and how i.....? i love this too much to give it up... only wonder whether i can hold on to this comforting loneliness....

good night world.

i like this song

2009-03-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

Hari Ini

Hari ini ku rasa bahagia
Berkumpul bersama saudara seiman
Tuhan Yesus t'lah satukan kita
Tanpa memandang di antara kita

Bergandingan tangan
Dalam kasih, dalam satu hati
Berjalan dalam terang kasih Tuhan

Kau sahabatku, kau saudaraku,
Tiada yang dapat memisahkan kita,
Kay sahabatku, kau saudaraku,
Tiada yang dapat memisahkan kita.

Words

2009-03-23T08:36:00.001-07:00

Hmm ....
what to say...
well recently i had just finished a book titled the Magic of Thinking Big.
I like the book very much because... the book simply said one thing. It's ALL ABOUT YOU.

These were the few lines that read to my mind when i was reading the book itself.
Like knocking it...

Hope is a start. BUT hope needs action to win victories

Hesitation only enlarges , magnifies the fear. Take actions promptly: BE DECISIVE.

To think confidently , act confidently << Taking my time to digest this one.

AND the one I really love IS: SMILE BIG! so smile smile smile and smile

Then.. came another big QUESTION:
HOW CAN I GIVE MORE THAN IS EXPECTED OF ME?

should i do this all the time? should i ask myself how to do a better work when i am given a new one? how can i have all the energy ?

Then I continued reading the book...and i found another part that spoke of me or applicable on JuaYn : Lift up everything about you: your SMILE :-)), your HANDSHAKE, your TALK, even YOUR WALK. Act ALIVE

"People do more for you when you make them feel important"

And when it comes to speaking either you or I " Give a good word or NONE at all" Great huh?
i mean how many of you out there actually try to say positive words each day... we rarely did that. somehow we rather choose to indulge in our -sigh satisfaction mode - that i , you , we think is comforting to us. Betul tak?
But i allow you people to dwell in a while of ur sigh satisfaction mode, i acknowledge that you are human then again try to be positive all the time ok...

Moving on...
I learnt some short cut words too..

JOG = Just Obey God . simple as that....
GIVE. = it's been a long time since i really give. cause i am too calculative recently... it just hits me one my head. why should i limit it, instead limiting , why can't i find ways to make more than limit myself?

Well so many things la... so interesting lor. life could be just wonderful if only YOU let it be!

Actually this post is meant for me, and my readers of course.
But mostly because i know a few months from today, i will read back my post and if i sound a bit wiser again , thanks to the ME writing this post at this moment.

Things i really want to do before i see all my friends graduate

2009-03-20T04:55:00.001-07:00

1. Watch movie

2. Karaoke

3. clubbing

4. doing sports

5. makan makan

6. bake something

7. cook a meal

8. photograph (many many)

9. play

10. holidays

11. beer

12. house shifting....

sigh... sobs sobs... ish ish
why~~~~~~~~

Let's start a new from today!
zài jiàn wo men zai chung lai!

being busy~~

2009-03-14T05:56:00.001-07:00

Lately.. i make myself very busy... or just say i make myself occupied.
actually i don't know the reason why i make myself occupied... i am tired of being occupied but at one point i am glad that i am being occupied else i'll start thinking about things that i am not ready to face.

Weird it is ....
i make my commitment to attend cell group...
i make a commitment to go back to my family in Kajang...
i fill in as much of my free time doing things i want and don't want because i know simply that by reaching April i am going to leave PJ...i don't want but i can't help it. answer has been revealed to me. this is a decision that i must make as the eldest child of the family. i can't play play anymore after May~~
i told myself that i need to walk this path all by myself but with the assurance that my friends will still be there for me... and actually i am practicing all these slowly by myself... else it is gonna hurt very much
i am tired of university life... but i always find a reason and energy to continue and sometimes i am rehearsing / revising and my brain compute to me , what i am doing right and what i am doing wrong. (guess i am getting wiser kua)...

and i can foresee that next week will be a busy week for me again. but i know i am enjoying every second of it. it's a learning process for me....
This is what I am going to tell myself.
Rest when you have the time.
Do what is important first - assignments, reading , and revising.
When you are done with 2 - then only you get your rest, then only comes your hangout.
Learn to manage my money well.
Time management as well....

And ... don't take too long to decide on something. once decided... go all out for it. never question of what if... instead think of what i learned so far...

Last Friday : 6th March 2009: Children't Theatre

2009-03-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well... u see, everyone's talking about our children play. I guess it was pretty interesting ... but too bad. I didn't have my own camera.

*** after the play i decided that...
I DON'T WANT TO BE KINDERGARDEN TEACHER. CAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO BE HAPPY/EXCITED/INTERESTING/FUNNY AND CARRIED ALL MY EMOTIONS OUT IN ACTIONS. Wey.... i can die eh. Tired oh.... i mean. being cute is one thing. acting that part is another thing. i can't do and shout more than 4 - 5 times as Higgle the little pig right. One rehearsal itself you were sweating already then start to feel hot pulak. ish...

Well... anyway. Although we tried our best, i don't feel it was our best performance... anyway...i invited my friend Shu Khim to watch over play. I always invite people to watch cause a play was supposed to be view by audience right. Everybody already posted what i want to say... so i might as well post something different.

tat one is Walter.aka Tracy.

Looking at those pictures. I can't help it anymore.. i need to admit i am no longer 18, 19 or 21 or 22. ish. sudah tua. ada wrinkle at my forehead... ish.

Thanks to my sister: Juaynna.

2009-03-08T05:54:00.000-07:00

size:130%;">Yes i know la i spend a lot la.

Yes my Myvi makan minyak la.. Saga takde la
Yes I do fetch my friends around,Yes I do go around in PJ with my MYVI la..Yes I don’t just sit in Desa Pesona saja…abothen how I know the roads /places in PJ better than my sis oh…

But I do collect petrol fees from the people who sat in my car…and of course I can’t collect more what….cause I used the car more than my friends do la..
Yealer.. I let people drive my car… and yes. I admit that was my mistake. A driver should always drive her car.
Yealer ..I attend cell, I go shopping with friends, I go and lunch and dinner outside. I go fetch people here and there and sometimes I go gym. Takan collect money kan… it’s give and take. Yealer… sometimes not very ‘tai’ la... You want to say I bong gong , say la.
I am not that smart – fast- thinker – talker like my sis la.

So what…. Explain to you people where I go all the time?...Ma very busy

Yealer.. I know my rent in Desa Pesona RM250 ma…. Plus I rent parking space per month is RM 50. Tak boleh meh? My second home is much better than my sis one ok…
Yealer.. I don’t know how to kira sometimes and yes I always go for convenience. Cannot ah… I don’t have the brain to think that much la…. ish.
Yealer.. I didn’t tell my boss that my parents are insurance agents… but that time there are reasons for me for not telling or informing la. I don’t see her sister in shop often, and how am I supposed to know her sister bought insurance from ING agent…. that time I was working. So many things happened… MBG case la, court case la… mana I berani kacau my boss. That time damn busy in the shop… cause ME the only person doing most of the work in the shop.

Cut fruit section I buat, cleaning the shop I buat, I work whole day 9.30 a.m to 9.30 night… shift the store also I was there. You can say... almost the whole shop I handle la. (sorry I am not being bossy) sometimes I no eat also. Siapa nampak, orang tak nampak pun. Only nampak I bodoh kerja gaji sikit . ISH…

Yealer… now my sis kerja with my boss… now she work no need to do cut fruit section… Very lucky. No need to go far far store to take things… somemore my boss rent out the cut fruit section. My boss bayar her RM 2. 00 parking fees summore… (lucky la)

Yealer she earns money and can do her studies as well and yealer I cannot. I don’t want.
My last year ma… no time for my friends lor, so many commitment. I suka or you suka.

Yealer I know you people paid for my everything. I am not dumbo la… and yes sometimes I just don’t know how to grab when opportunities appeared. I am slower but that does not mean I am not thinking or planning something in my head. When I know something, doesn’t mean I need to take immediate actions. Ish… then again, if my sister are so good, why don’t you guys asked her to do it instead of me?

Give me a break la…I am the eldest but that doesn’t mean I always better than my siblings ok. Long time ago I gave up the theory that the eldest must be better. No such things in this world. If you are capable than me, go ahead. I am fine with it.

But parents as they were or always, loved to compare their children. I don’t know why…

Whatever la… mati I am still your daughter right. You like or don’t likey… you need to live with it la. Ish.. (Sorry for being so negative) When it comes to family matter… sometimes you just have to be negative and lived with the fact lor. Whatever la….

cell.

2009-03-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

yesterday was my second time in cell, i was actually very tired from my performance - children's play performance. the performance was accessed by lecturer ... therefore because i squeeze every bit of my energy into the play, i was super tired....yeah.... really tired . but then again i told myself . i must go to cell cause i want to learn.

very funny though ... first time in cell... i discovered something.
haha someone with the same name as i am. "no lah, not Juayn la, it was Jwen - and is a HE"
well never realised that until now... the pronunciation is almost the same.

so actually i don't feel like going to cell yesterday, partly because i am tired,second i want to sleep already, third i don't want to fall asleep while listening, and lastly because eh.. i am very new as a Christian and i really don't know what i am supposed to do. But in the end i went. i trust God... he knows what is best for me . and somemore... i will be in PJ for about 2 months more... i mean. if i am lucky and God's willing.. i may still attend cell even i went back to Kajang. so while i am here... i make it a commitment to attend cell.

Learnt many things in cell though, and i feel like the i am the only one listening.... or that is just what i felt lor. i am new, so i need to learn. Simple as that.

cell starts with icebreaking session - hmmm very good for me. because i don't know much people there, then because people are reluctant to speak when they are in an ackward situation. i don't know who are you, you don't know me . what to talk about. no linkers...no connection... no relationship.

Ok enough of that, then we moved on to celebration ... something like celebration prayers: singing...
i loved this. with music it is always the best.

a part of a song that i really like this week
" he knows my name
he knows my every thought,
he sees each tears that falls,
and hears me when i call "

Wonderful. very simple. and you know He knows you what you are at, doing, thinking and so forth.

Oh ya... something about praying.
Pray comes in 4 forms. Scripture, spontaneous, action and communication. [correct me if i am wrong. i don't attend youth service , i attend adult service]
i rank myself in spontaneous and communication lor.

Cell and cell mates reminds me to talk to God all the time... praying i mean. but ... i don't pray to God all the time neh.
i am a person that i rarely think of God when i am in trouble, cause i believed in ability and independancy. what i mean is, i have faith in him, but that does not mean i want HIM to take care of my every problems . it's a 50 50 things for me.

Do you think it is bad? If God knows what kind of person I am... he should be alright with what i am, right...?
Anyway.... i will do try to pray to him everyday. and also maybe I am fasting from SHOPPING OR FROM USING CREDIT CARD.
i am not very good with money... and super spend thrifter. ish.. i hate this part of me.

AND IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND....
PLS DO REMIND ME NOT TO SPEND MONEY USING CREDIT CARD WHEN I GO SHOPPING OR ANYWHERE WITH YOU PEOPLE. EXCEPT.. WHEN I GO PUMP PETROL.

AMEN.

bless your household

2009-03-01T08:56:00.001-08:00

"count your blessings.."
"bless your household..."
"overcome familiarity..."

am i expecting too much???
and sorry to say. yes.. I expect a lot from people...
i can give all i want...
also i can -NOT- give all i want too...
i can be very nice to you and very cruel that you will remember forever how i hated you.
it's a sad - down and depress week for me... because i am thinking too much.

i just want to forget.
forget. forget. forget and moved on.
i know i'll be there in no time and i am going to cherish friends who i forget to put in the picture.
sorry if i miss you out . you are very dear to me.
you know who you are. Muahhhh~~~

XOXOXO

some time for myself...family

2009-02-27T02:03:00.000-08:00

It's almost going to be the end of February. The month of love.. haha
and the best thing that happened to me is STOP working.
yeah, i mean so far i kinda of enjoy the idea of ENJOYING a student's life to the fullest.
Just 2 more months to go..
2 more months of adrenaline rush for assignments, deadlines to meet, friends hangouts, birthdays to celebrate, cheaper movie tickets, rehearsal, and exam and of course time alone for myself.
The things is i am not worried at all of what i want to do when i graduated... my friends were, most of the time.
Should i worry... yes i should because i am leaving my student's life behind.
No more fa ma enterprise... and leaving friends that you hold dear to your heart... and parting is part of the picture when you graduate.
Of course i am going to be working... and this is another big step i have to take.
i will leave my friends behind, and take my own brave steps to a world i know nothing off or maybe i know off.
i wish i could land a job that i would come to fall in love with, have a decent income where i can afford to give my parents at least 1 k a month of course... (they paid for all my everything ma)...
then... i give myself 2-3 years to save enough and land enough life experience and then.. i need to be able to provide for myself financially.
i too hope that i will met someone i would come to marry too... i want a family . i don't want to be alone ....
but most importantly... while i am doing all this.
i hope i don't neglect the people who are important to me...
my family. friends. and people who i cared very much.
also.. while i am doing this. i prayed too that people i loved are always healthy...
and it hits me on my face this week.

I am considered very lucky meh...
i mean all the people that matters to me are still healthy and breathing. (u know what i mean...)
i really thank God , because sometimes i just take things for granted.
i must give some of my time to my family now... it's now or maybe NEVER... you never know right.
hmmm... that's all i really want to say. weird hor...

Names...

2009-02-20T20:26:00.001-08:00

i am having running nose now. and so because i have no mood to read and do assignments. i might as well do something that i fancy. when i am done with this going to take my bath and my nap.
i hate having running nose! always like that one!

First letter of your name

Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 20 people.

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question. Use the first answer that pops up in ur mind

1. What is your name: Juayn

2. A four Letter Word: Jade

3. A boy's Name: John

4. A girl's Name: Jenny

5. An occupation: Jockey

6. A color: Jade green

7. Something you'll wear: J locket

8. A food: Jelly

9. Something found in the bathroom: Junks (unwanted stuffs)

10. A place: Jusco

11. A reason for being late: Jam la...

12. Something you'd shout: Jump..

13. A movie title: Joe Black

14. Something you drink: Juices

15. A musical group: Jonas Brothers (he~~)

16. An animal: Jaguar

17. A street name: Jonker Street , Malacca

18. A type of car: Jaguar la~~ wahaha...

19. The title of a song: Just Another Sunday - Guns and Roses

let's see.. if it is true

2009-02-15T07:29:00.000-08:00

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends.
5. Everyone tagged as to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

1.IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Zui Jing - Angela Zhang

2.HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Clumsy -Fergie ( not true la)

3.WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Melodi - Lim Yu Zhong and Sheila Majid

4.HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
In the middle of the rain - Ling Yu Zhong - Rynn Lim

5.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Melodi...

6.WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
I'm your man.- Michael Bubble ( I need a man la)

7.WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fu Huo - Revived or Reborn... by Rynn Lim ( True also)

8.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Yuan tian - Rynn Lim

9.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
What a girl wants - Christina Aguilera (SO true)

10.WHAT IS 2 + 2?
No one Cold - 13 Ways to Bleed on Stage

11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Bao Hu She - Angela Zhang ( the song sang of Angela... Angela)

12.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Blessed - Christina Aguilera ( YES!!!)

13.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Miss you much -Younme (No idea)

14.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Ying Xing De Chi Pang - Angela Zhang

15.WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Obvious- Christina Aguilera (macam tak betul jeh)

16.WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Xi Huan Ni Mei Dao Li - Angela Zhang (meaning : like you for your no practical reason)
Ermm... true also leh. Like me lor.

17.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
London Bridge - Fergie.. (hah/??!!)

18.WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
All about Loving you.... - Bon Jovi.. Damn true also lor.

19.WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
It's Gonna be Love - Mandy Moore

20.WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
The Tears Drop of the Flies -Chang Yin De Lei- Rynn Lim

21.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bringing on the heartbreak - Mariay Carey. [ $!$@#@% So damn the TRUE !! , no offence to my friends]

22.WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Xun Hao - Rynn LIm

DONE. u tell me. True or not!